Help - Setting Boundaries, WW in EA - Thread #4

[Woke_Up]

So. Had SS17's birthday on Saturday 3rd. Had a pretty good day - picked him up a cheap car and took him out for his first driving lesson.

On Saturday W let it drop that she had estate agents coming in all day to photograph the house and put it on the market. She hasn't discussed this with me. I told her she should discuss things like that with me first. I'll be honest, it annoyed me.

Spoke to some friends who suggested i just roll with it and let her be happy with it being her idea.

In the end, I didn't go to work on Monday - my office is in London Bridge and had been on lockdown following the latest terror attack. I worked from home. W said she did t want t leave her home, that she and the kids loved it, and then asked me to cancel the estate agent, which I did.

She then started talking about paying off the mortgage early, me getting a job closer to home, and spending a lot more time around the place.

Ive been having bouts of sadness and anger, worse late at night, so not getting as much sleep as I should. On Thursday I had another day at home due to the rail lines being blocked - still spent 4 hrs on the train though. I did get too go with W when D5 had her swimming lesson, which was nice. Then W had work at her part time job on Thursday and Friday.

Friday night I slipped and went into her room to see her and tell her that I didn't think it was fair or right for her to be carrying on this EA while telling me she thinks she might be pregnant ( she wasn't) or asking me to make long term plans.

I tried the appeal to her higher self as suggested by my DB coach, saying that she knew right from wrong, and that she could still do the right thing.

She didn't want to talk about it, wouldn't look me in the eye. Said she was confused. Said OM was her "only friend"... I called BS on that one, told her it wasn't true, but that she was alienating herself from people, spending too much time watching things on YouTube that depressed her and then talking about them with him.

Saturday W took D5 camping for a night. I took S17 driving then he went to stay at a friends jouse, so I had some time to myself. Worked in the garden, walked the dog through the fields in the sunshine, lit an outdoor fire and had a 1 man BBQ - also got 7 hrs sleep!

Sunday, was up by 7, walked the dog, did some more garden work, then W and D5 got home at 10am. W was hungover, so went to lie down. I slipped some more and snooped at her phone and saw the first thing she did was Skype OM when she got home. I managed to suppress my anger and focused on having a good time with D5. Played a lot with her, did some painting. Took her out to a garden centre where I bought some rose bushes and she chose a miniature apple tree.

Sunday night I slipped again - W went to bed early saying she needed an early night, and was going to listen to something and fall asleep. As I waslked past her room, her light was still on, nothing playing on her phone, and I could hear her laughing at some point - so I knew she was skyping OM - I went in again and did exactly the same as Friday. Told her that it couldn't go on like this. She asked if I wanted her to just leave with nothing - I said I wasn't asking her to leave, but if she was asking me to make long term plans then she had to put her money where her mouth is. I left it at that, kept it short, and went downstairs.

Not long later she came down again - asked me to go outsidwbith her and put the animals away. We fired a few arrows together in the wooded area where the archery targets are set up. Walked all around the garden, both agreed that it was lovely and that neither of us wanted to leave. We then sat together on the patio and shared a beer.

When she went to bed again, we hugged, held each other tightly, but didn't speak, other than to say good night.

Today there has not been much contact. Couple of texts from her, in response to mine, but hours after I'd sent them.

So... I will stop pursuing, as I think I have become a bit needy again when she is around, trying to get hugs or kisses from her. She responds, but I will let her initiate - she does on occasion.

I will ease up on the texts - DB coach had said it was OK, if I was trying to build up a connection and it wasn't R related - however, it seems she is pulling back at the minute.

I speak to the damn good (expensive?) lawyer tomorrow - telephone consultation, initially. Recommended by my friend, the former barrister. Specialists in family law and complicated situations, so the Issues with her working for my company and her threats to take D to the US can be discussed.

Still feeling out of control, 10 months nearly since BD, 6 months since finding this forum. I'm having more better days than I was though.