180man Thread 4

[25yearsmlc]

If the military hospital has no program, ask to start one. Don't sell us short, but what would make more sense to me is the Veteran's Hospital and or, a children's hospital.

You are already thinking out things with the JAG that make me smile in some ways (not snarky!) but shaking my head in others.

This is likely to be the only time in the rest of your life to be single & learn from it.

6-8 months and you are just stopping the obsessing part, (mostly) and this is the grit part, the "work of awareness" phase...

but yes, it'd be way way easier to roll over into a new partnership and avoid all that...introspective aloneness

But man, it's just not the cure for what ails you. It's a bandaid and imo, the bandaids don't last or work well, over time. Like how conflicts avoided are really just conflicts delayed, which rarely vanish,

but fester & metastasize

PS
Plus, you are thinking out the "Not so bad" dimensions to being married to another officer (don't you meet civilians or reservists anywhere??) This means that in your head, you have already gone there...and presumed that she'll never want to stay at home with the kids, which she cannot do in the military...

FWIW, the way you think you have the military life of 2 married officers figured out is not realistic. Given your present situation that surprises me. As if you are refusing to control the few factors you CAN control and repeating behaviors.

I was a JAG married to an Army MD. In our time (PRE 9-11)- we were MOST surprised that Iraq invading Kuwait would turn our lives upside down (with 2 small kids)

oh and then there was 9-11 (and man, we did not see that coming)

SO there were 2 Gulf Wars, and A LOT of time apart in addition.

You seem to have projected who will have a deployment and when, as if there's no possible change of plan and the military always has a contingency clause, like no other career...

Being forced to draft a family care plan for who would get our kids for mutual deployments was a weird experience ( I only joined the Army to be with h).

Stop loss meant I could NOT quit my job & I could be ordered to war...very strange experience. I had a 5 y/o and a 2 y/o then.


BTW, In my recall, I literally never saw 2 military officers with children, both able to remain active duty (let alone stay married.)

If you have seen any married field grade officers with kids, I'd be interested in knowing.


Let's say you two date...My guess is it's going to be a painful drag for one or both of you - when the r ends

OR the r won't end and you will m,

and that means you will have married the first person you date after a divorce. Gee, nothing reactive about that...

What do you think of these^^^ options?
Dating in general

We all took some body blows to our egos. I get it. I very miss being part of a couple, as I spent 2/3 of my life married, and 35 years of m plus 2 years dating...

I almost force myself to Stop looking at what I lack and instead to embrace what life has thrown my way. I DO see some advantages to the growth I'm being forced into.

Then again, what healthy choice is there?

It's not like your divorce is going to drag on for years, so what's with the rush? Yeah, in my timeline, well, I was DBing for 2 years so, your timeline seems very condensed to me - just food for thought. AND I'm older than you. I look younger but I know what my age is, and a part of me feels the clock is ticking. But I kind of think that if h had died and I had finished grieving (at the moment I think that would take 9 - 10 days...

I know I would not rush into remarriage. So why do I feel more "concerned" about not dating now?

A wounded EGO, my friend, a very wounded "reject pile EGO..." Which doesn't feel like a great reason to date at the moment.

In time I know that will change. Just not yet. I'm terrified of making another mistake or committing too early. Don't you?

If the JAG knows this R can go nowhere, at least that'd be realistic and fair to her.

If you want more than that, you're rushing yourself b/c you feel incomplete and unable to self soothe, (hence the booze, perhaps?)
Plus if you are in a state that allows adultery as grounds for divorce, you'd legally just as culpable as your w. Crazy eh?

But then, you could both say your needs were not met and you both had felt hurt and rejected, and so it goes...

Just so I don't sound like your mother, if not for the seizures I had back last fall,

I'm 90% sure I'd be holing up in my condo with my dog and some good wine, probably binge watching Netflix until I got a job I like (but which somehow allows me to still drink my wine ...)

Gee, almost makes me glad I had the seizures...But not quite

((( )))