What to do

[Coconut]

Take some time... Take a lot of time, she's got a place of her own, you've gotten rid of the family home, everything is set to take the time you need to let the world stop spinning so you can see clearly. Who are you, what do you want, right now it's changing everyday (go back and read your posts), it's going to take time to get past the A, it's going to take time to see how she "acts" with other man/men.

You said she doesn't think having the A was a big deal... That should be a deal breaker for you (don't tell her that)... She needs to understand it's completely wrong (yes, you were too), if you were to get back together now it will tear you apart, and likely ruin any chance you may have at piecing. You will need her say, on her own, how horrible she feels for doing it.

My recommendation, tell her you don't know what you want right now, stop going on dates or communicating with her (other than child stuff)... Maybe, at most, go places with D as a family every 2 or 3 weeks, but when D is with her, do your own thing and find yourself.

Don't have sex with her again until you really know what you want, and I would recommend she get tested for STDs before that happens.

A healthy, long lasting M isn't going to be easy to get back to, emotions are going to go very high and very low for the next few months to a year, although the swings will become less drastic. Don't rush the decision of getting back together, it's going to take time to "see" if she's willing to put the hard work and commitment to do it.

If she really wants to save the M, she will wait a few months and do the right things on her own. If she keeps seeing other guys or decides she won't wait that long, then the M would be doomed, just extending the pain.

Just SLOW everything down right now, take your space...