On Higher Ground

[HaWho]

Gordie - well, it's back and forth. It's definitely not like I can check that the aging issue is fixed.

Ownit - it is interesting to watch.

Hi Mleigh! Nice to hear from you and yeah, I agree that it may not matter that much what I say.

123Gwen - thanks for the nice post. I have tremendous respect for you and how you've pulled yourself up for you and your girls. You always have wise, compassionate advice.

Things are typically strange over here. I think I am now used to it. It's probably like someone who has settled into working at an insane asylum. The first year is probably a doozy. But after that? (Without batting an eye) yeah, that's Fred; he thinks he's an opera singing chimp.

Mostly want to note some of the MLC behaviors.

One night while we were at S11's game h wanted to check the game schedule for the following day. He asked to use my cell as his was in the car. (He did this once earlier in MLC and said the signal was weak and walked off with my phone. I saw him going through my stuff.) This time I hesitated and said nah, what do you need and I'll look it up. I have nothing to hide but it's a weird request given how much info. people have on their cells these days. Plus he just told me how what he does is none of his business. Well, then, likewise.

Last Friday he set it up to take the boys to get x, y and z. He asked me to come, too. I said sure as I had some errands to run also. That is the first time in 3 years that we have done something mundane like that on a weekend. Two years ago he couldn't be found on a Friday night. Last year he was in his room every Friday night.

He is sometimes listening to cheerful music like he used to do. And he is showing interest in historical stuff again.

As I mentioned months ago he wants to go away for a few days this summer. He mentioned it again. The boys were excited and I flew under the radar, staying silent. But then he asked if I was coming and I started to say "not sure" but he told me I had to as it was my birthday gift.

He is making plans as to what we will all do for Christmas. He told me he invited his brother and his family to meet us in x place. I know they won't come. His brother has a lot of fears, travel being at the top.

Meanwhile, h seems to be overcoming some fears. In the last few weeks, on several occasions he has mentioned how he used to worry so much about things and how he realizes there is no point. And it's true that he used to be a worrier about all sorts of things: natural disasters, break -ins, etc. I now realize it probably stems from not having a safe home as a kid. I mean, if your own home isn't safe, how can the world be? Living in New England and being left alone must have been scary. You can massive thunderstorms with crazy winds and hail. Snowstorms would dump several feet of snow in a matter of hours.

He is eating more of his old foods. He craves sugar a lot! And he's eating a lot of it.

As for me? I am okay. I am thinking a lot about things. This next part is a bit confessional. The other morning I rounded a corner while walking my dog. I nearly collided into a man walking his own dog. He startled me. I forwarded him my very friendly but big dog (120 lbs) was coming next. He asked if he was friendly. The dogs met and his dog was a little afraid at first. He had a mini collie. My dog is all black. So I told him someone once told me that some dogs have issues with black dogs. I said I thought it had to do with how big they look or shadow or something. Without missing a beat he said: "oh! I thought you were going to say it was a racism thing." I laughed at the wit and in a flash, gave a snobby accent and said "certainly not in THIS sort of neighborhood!" He laughed and we separated.

But, for the first time in years, it just really hit me that I really could have an altogether different life. I don't mean an affair! I mean something in the future; something strong and real.