So yesterday and today were interesting days. I had to contact the W yesterday about our Ivf program and canceling it. Told her because we still have embryos left we will only get 50% of our money back instead of all of it which means we will still have close to 10k on the loan to pay off. I mentioned (bad idea) maybe we could go 50/50 on the payment each month. She came back with asking if I was staying in the house, I said yes and then she replied that she doesn't think she should walk away with nothing. I responded with nevermind I'll pay the loan and have a good day. I knew where this was going. She came back with well the house is worth a lot more than the loan.
Back story, I bought this house BEFORE we were married and her name is nowhere on this house, so from what I've been told she can't get a penny from the house cause of that and cause we've only been married for less than 3 years. I responded that I didn't want to talk about that right now and to please have a good day.
Later on when friends were telling me to change the locks and all this other crap that would probably put the final nail in hopes of ever reconciling of all people her bro texted me and asked how I was doing. He's totally on my side for the fact This is coming from a sinful heart that we all have. that 3 years ago he had this same issue with his wife wanting a divorce and he was abale to win her back. He gave me some great advice which was this.
This is coming from a sinful heart that we all have. This is what most women would do. However, you can offer her grace in this instance. You need to do what's right from a Christian husband perspective and use this as a way to keep pursuing her. Even if it doesn't turn out in your favor you can sleep at night because you showed her unconditional love through this process. Ask her what she wants you to do. Sell the house? Pay her outright for what she thinks she is owed? Tell her you will listen to what she thinks she deserves. Swallow your pride and then listen to her. Of course legally she isn't owed anything but it's the fact you are willing to listen.
So I sent her a text to call me when she can so we can talk about the house. She called within 5 mins of that text. She talked I mostly listened, and she basically thinks she's entitled to half the equity on the house from when I bought it which is close to 30k and asked if since I'm staying that I can "buy her out" I never agreed but just said if that day comes that you decide to go through with this we will cross that bridge when if/when we get there. After that we talked for almost 30 mins mostly about little things and I made sure to keep it light and did not talk about us at all! The ONLY thing I said at all about us was "im still not giving up on you" with a light hearted tone to it, and she actually giggled a bit after that which surprised me cause I expected a reply like I should just stop trying to something. So overall besides her feeling like she deserves money it was a good talk and I hope that maybe planted a seed in her mind that taking to me and opening up again might not be so bad.
And maybe it did cause this morning I knew she wa coming over to pack more cause she asked but I was surprised that she showed up before I left. She gave me a grad card to give my nephew and we really didn't talk much but again kept it light. She asked about my new dog I got and if I was going to keep him and I said yes. Then I ended the talk cause I had to leave. I wanted so badly to just give her a giant bear hug but I didn't. We didn't even touch at all but that's fine. It was nice and hard to see her but I'm glad she felt comfortable enough to stop by while I was home. So maybe these are baby steps on the right direction idk? But I'll go back to NC now and hope that she contacts me next Friday for my birthday but we will see.