"I will never intentionally hurt you, but I CAN BE OBLIVIOUS. It's not you, and it's not on purpose, I just get stuck in my head sometimes. If that happens, just tell me about it and I'll fix it."
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Almost word for word, "I will never intentionally hurt you, but I can be oblivious. I get stuck in my head sometimes, and I need to be woken up when that happens."
Devil's advocate here, but if you recognize that you are stuck in your head to the detriment of your partner, why not work on changing that behavior? Why "warn"?
Personally I'm not a fan of the whole "here are my flaws" speech in the beginning of relationships. Why? Because there's an "I told you so" element to it. So, later, when it's happening, one can say "but I told you I do this." Also, because it has a touch of making the other person responsible.
On the surface, it seems like personal growth, but really it's a way to distance yourself from responsibility. And if you have a history of that, and this woman is now doing it, yikes.
If there is a behavior about yourself that you don't like, fix it. All on your own. You don't need another person. Work on recognizing it when you're doing it (being in your head isn't an excuse, because you're capable of stopping that behavior) and stopping it yourself. Then there's no need for speeches or warnings!
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I hear my own words come out of this woman's mouth SO OFTEN it's insane. I have examined whether this is just confirmation bias, and cannot reach that conclusion with my available data.
Remember what I said about rebounding and feeling like the new person is familiar? Most take it as a reason to rush in, because it's "right."
Usually it means you've found a match for your childhood issues. Your unhealed inner child recognizes this particular brand of dysfunction and it's exciting!
When someone is in an emotionally unhealthy state (like after heartbreak), this feeling of wonder and feeling of being found by another person is a giant red flag. Giant. Huge. ...'Yuuuuge.
Be careful, East. This woman is not a science project. She doesn't contain insight into your own issues because she says the same things as you. She's a mirror. She's familiar. And she's a fallible human being, like us all.
East, I sense a general emotional unavailability with you, and I think your lady friend intrigues you right now because she's also emotionally unavailable and so she feels safe to you.
Maybe this will work out and you'll find lasting stable love, but I think the chances are small. You're not in a healthy state, and anyone who is attracted to that is very likely to have issues of their own, like not being able to form stable connections that last.
DBing is all about getting healthy - emotionally, physically, and spiritually by challenging ourselves. The healthier we can be, the more strength we have to piece things back together if our ex is re-attracted to us, or we attract new healthier partners. There's no quick fix.
You'll do what you're going to do, but work on owning the behaviors you want to change and work on getting healthy. See this lady as an addition to your life, and, ironically, don't believe it's going to last or you'll cause it to flame out sooner. What you've found has a 1% chance of lasting, so enjoy it while it's here. She can't fix you. Only you can do that.
And know if it does end, you will suffer a large setback in healing from your M. Having gone through that, it's so hard. It's a huge step backward into the pain and the muck.
