I wish I had something brilliant to add here. I don't. I also want to support you as best I can. A couple things comes to mind. First, when reading advice here, we all have to remember the perspective of the poster. It's hard to even know that sometimes. Clearly TxHub is leaving his wife after piecing vs myself and Storm who are closer to your sitch (still want M to work).
One thing that helps me reading/posting on the forums is that it forces me to check myself. Do I really take my own advice? It would easy for me to sit here behind my computer and tell you what I see or give advise, but I can't say that I would react/feel the same way if it were me. So I am going to try and do both.
Here is what I think it may mean and what you might want to consider doing:
We can never know what another person is thinking or feeling. We can speculate that she is pining for him, missing him, and still wayward in her mindset. Or, we can go to the other end of the spectrum and assume that she was being honest that yes, he is a handsome guy, a former lover, and she foolishy already chased that pipe dream. He shared it with a friend because she saw him and had a momentary feeling of loss. She is only human afterall. She actively chooses Lim and her M, she didn't tell him because there is no reason to hurt him, and she has no intention of ever making that mistake again.
None of us can know where she lies on the spectrum. And, her feelings may fluctuate as well. I think you should continue on with piecing has usual. When the two of you are safely with the C, you bring it up in a matter of fact way and let her know how it made you feel in a nonemotional way. I think that is all you can do right now. Hopefully her hearing how you feel helps her see reality more clearly. The new and improved Lim is the better option and you both know it.
Here is how I would feel and probably react if I read a text that my H send about OW to a friend:
I would be triggered, devastated, angry, fearful, and terribly sad. I would assume he still had feelings for her and wanted an R with her. I would assume he didn't love me or want to be with me. Just the thought of them together would make me feel physically sick. I don't think I could keep it to myself and I would probably unload on him. I would want to hurt him and punish him. Even after much rational thought and some time, I would most likely tell him to leave and not come back until he was sure he only wanted me. I would not wait for him to come back. I only want to be with someone that has eyes for me. I am okay with who I am most of the time. While I might agree that my above rational perspective is better, I accept that is not who I am.
I hope, and think, you can do much better than me. I am sorry this is happening. I am sure it hurts a lot.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
