WAW and the Big D

[Bdog37]

Hey 25 and Zues,

Thank you both for the encouraging words as it means a lot to me.

25; The mindset of a WAS is baffling to me so not sure I will every fully understand their thought process. I get the whole falling out of love with someone, but it seems to me that they transform into someone so unrecognizable that their actions become alien and very hard to understand.

Out of curiosity, was your H a man who was very involved in your children's lives early on? During piecing did you notice any change in his behavior towards your kids and did he try to take an even more active role as a father? Looking back now can you identify any warning signs that may have suggested otherwise?

The reason I ask is because sometimes I think that I ignored all the warning signs and kept the wool over my eyes just for a sense of security....or love??

Whatever she is going through (I have no clue??) there was one big warning sign sticking out to me now that I just refused to acknowledge because she (at the time) was my loving wife.

She would literally go out most weekends with friends to go drinking and even a lot during week nights. This all kind of started shortly after our firstborn (which was stressful for both of us). Her own mother would join her sometimes and it became such a normal routine that when asked why "I" allowed it....I would simply reply to the friends and family that were asking, that she deserves to go out because of all she did around the house. Also, our daily routine, she would hibernate in the bedroom after supper for her "mom time" and only come back out when it was time to put the kids to bed. The entire time all this was going on I was the one taking care of the parenting responsibilities. Yes, she did most of the housework, but on the nights she was gone it would just be the girls and I. When both were newborns I was the one that changed 95% of their diapers, woke up most nights to feed and put them back to bed, took them to school, and gave them baths. Its not that she didn't contribute, but many in my circle believed she has always been someone that values her personal time over her time with the girls. Now, Sundays where her days with the kids. She would tell me that she has felt bad with all the time she spent out with her friends so she would say that she will take the girls to her parents and give me a day "alone".

This is the life she desires now and was the warning sign that should have hit me like a 2x4. I should have realized back then that her priorities were selfish and not focused on our children or wanting a family life. What would I have done back then....nothing. I mean, sadly I was happily in love.

Could it be possible for someone to be in a MLC for 9+ years? Or do you think she is just one of those people that you described up above that has little to no remorse for her selfish actions? Again, I understand my faults and her falling out of love for me but not caring to be a part of your children's lives is just.....alien to me!



Zues; As a father I am sorry you had to go through all of that. It seems unfair that our legal system denies good father's the opportunities to co-parent and be a part of their child's lives. Yes, things are getting better legally but there are still so many father's out there fighting a hard battle just to be with their kids and its pretty sad.

I am, so far, one of the lucky ones in the fact that my STBEW shows me little to have me believe she wants to hinder my time with our girls. Of course, this could all change with her and in the eyes of the courts. I could be fighting a long hard battle that you and so many other wonderful fathers had to endure. If I do, then it is a battle I am willing to put up and see through.

The presentation you had to do was a great ideal and I'm glad it worked out in the end! Its a shame that you actually had to "convince" people that you are a worthy father, but if it comes down to me having to do the same then I just might have to take a page out of your book. Then I'll drop the mic lol. Yes, reading your post was very inspiring for that I say thank you.



I have literally just received some saddening and awesome news in regards to my sitch. Daughter has advised me that she met "mommy's new boyfriend" and that they spent much of a day playing in the pool together. This was the saddening news. I have always known that this day would come, but I thought out of respect she would have told me the girls were going to be introduced to him prior to it actually happening...then again, I'm not shocked that she continues to show me no respect.

The good news is that she continues to give up her time with the girls. For Father's Day I requested to have them the entire day. She said I can have them the entire week... Ok, fine with me. She said she is busy on the nights that are her scheduled nights so I gladly accepted. She also literally just texted me saying that she needs a "night out" (cause she's stressed) and asked if I can take the girls. Tonight is her 2nd scheduled night of the week she is supposed to have them but....of course, I accepted. Therefore, she is going to go from tonight (9th) to the 21st without seeing her kids. Just saddening.

So 25 asked why I don't go for full custody? This is a good question and many of my friends and family would agree. This is something that I will speak with my L before our next court date which is on the 22nd. I will show him the calendar (where I mark the days I have the girls), text messages where she is asking if I can take them on her scheduled nights, FB posts from her out partying when its her scheduled nights, and show him what role I play now in their lives.

Hopefully with all this information I will get full custody. You just never know these days, but I do want what is best for the girls so I would never go for it out of spite. I just want my kids growing up happy and in a safe environment which is their home. I would also be happy to allow any amount of visitation that she requested because I truly believe the kids need her in their lives...even if its on "her" time.