Its been a week now of detachment with exception of reviewing my wife's resume. I helped her out for a new job. This has been hard and somewhat easy at the same time. I ran myself in the dirt pursuing, checking texts/emails, and snooping. Its hard bc I miss my wife but somewhat easy bc I had nothing left in the tank. My life has become miserable, constant obsession over this A and AP. I looked at myself in the mirror and seen a 30 year old with baggy eyes due to no sleep, barely shaved, and just sloppy looking. Haven't smoked in 7 years and I find myself buying more and more packs of ciggs. I had enough. I called my old IC and made some appointments. I actually wrote down a list of goals and short term things I neglected over the months.
The good news is that my relationship with W hasn't gotten any worse. I fully understand that these goals and changes should be for me to feel better about myself and improve the quality of my life. The W recently said she is sorry for all this and she wishes she could be doing the exciting things she does with AP with me. I do believe her to an extent. On paper, there is no comparison between me and AP. Wife got the attention she needed so I will leave her be and let her figure it out. During my snooping and as she alluded, looks like she been footing the bill for their fun. Once adulthood comes back into play, good chance she will have her awakening. If not Ill be ok regardless.
M 1.5 years, her affair was before 1 year T 7 Years
