I would say your best bet is to validate -- validating doesn't mean you agree, only that you hear her. If you can repeat what she's saying back to her in your own language that can be a very effective way to let her know that you hear her. 85% of the time people want you to hear them more than they want you to agree with them.
Is this her idea to see the deacon? Why are you doing it? The other thing to think about is that if you don't think its going to be beneficial you can refuse to participate.
Often we attach too much significance to each and every move when our marriage is in crisis, as if each thing we do or say may irrevocably change things for the worse. The reality is that this is a long process, and you have more freedom to chart your course than it may feel like.
Acc
Acc,
This was our decision to meet with the Deacon. With respect to validation. There are definitely some things on her list that I'm guilty of. Should I just flat out say "I agree, I have a problem with my moodiness and anger. I understand that this has caused you hurt and I'm sorry". Is saying sorry or acknowledging things that I know I'm guilty of OK?
Married 9, Together 13, Divorce in Progress M: 44, W: 44, S: 7 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/19/17
