Trying to do the right thing...

[OC_Hope]

Thanks Job for the prodding...

I've been reading here for almost a year and this is my first post.

On May 22nd of last year (2016), my wife dropped the bomb by showing up in Vegas sans wedding ring. She came back saying she didn't know if she wanted to be married to me anymore.

This carried on for a month until it finally came out that she wanted a divorce. Running up to this was the typical clues that are obvious now... Losing weight, working out, creating new friends, going out without me... all hindsight 20/20 stuff. Ugh!

Everything went really fast once she came home one night after a late night binge. She had scuffed the brand new sports car she had just bought a week earlier on a parking post as she drove home drunk. I found a pair of receipts from another man, one crumpled on the passenger side floor, the other in her purse – and the inside of the car had all the clues of hanky panky.

I took the kids away immediately the next day to see their grandparents for the Fourth of July weekend and gave her a week to have some "space."

When I came back, she went straight to divorce, getting her own place and grabbing the very best of what was in the house, leaving me with all the mismatched furniture, kitchenware and all of her personal items at home.

She's always been meticulous about cherishing sentimental items - letters, cards, baby clothes & toys from her childhood and our three kids. Leaving them all behind was clearly odd and unsettling. Even now, she seems to be having trouble recalling recent memories about the kids.

At one point last Sept, she sent me a text saying she thought I was a good Dad and grateful to have me, but she was a horrible mom. She dropped the kids that afternoon and we didn't see her again for two months.

The reason she returned had been due to a scary car accident that she still can't seem to tell a straight story about. Since that scare, she's gradually tried to reacquaint herself with the kids and repair the abandoned relationship. The Teenagers are still leery of her efforts which have been inconsistent, but she is trying really hard to make up for it.

Just recently I decided it would be financially necessary for me to give up my apartment and move in with my brother in another state for a few months and squirrel away some money to pay down debt from the divorce (She signed away physical custody of our three kids in January, so I'm relatively free to go). The original plan was we'd come back for the following school year so our eldest daughter could finish her last year in high school.

About a month ago, W started to communicate wanting to come back to the family. She indicated she wanted to come with us, but instead of returning, to actually stay there and start over as a family. I welcomed the idea and started to make plans, even delaying my departure a month to make sure we had some time to reconnect... looking back, this only seemed to frighten her off as it became all too real.

To make things more complicated, I began to become impatient as she would not break up with her OM to spend more time with the kids and I before leaving. Now she's back with the OM and is talking about custody arrangements again while she keeps going with her new life. My guess is she believes that would be easier than having to do the work involved with starting over with us.

I feel like all of my patience and kindness has just vaporized as I became insanely jealous and pushy as frustration took over. Now she's scheduled to see a lawyer and I fear she's going to try to take me to court and make an attempt at an emergency stop to prevent the kids and me from leaving the state.

I don't know what to do now. I've already broken my lease and financially extended in anticipation of the move. If she's somehow able to prevent me from going, I'm not in a place to reestablish a place here right away and won't have a place to take the kids.

My other worry is if the kids and I do get to leave, she's going to get even more embedded with the OM. He's already controlling having helped her destroy all of the support she had with her family and friends who no longer want to deal with her and the OM. I know she's lonely and this new guy is all she has left if we leave.

I'm scared. I'm angry at myself for getting excited so quickly.

My gut says I should just go to 180 and do absolutely nothing, go to brother's place as planned, and let her do whatever she's going to do – Someone please tell me I'm doing the right thing or if I'm being stupid!