Did I react too strongly? I just feel that if she tells me to stop doing all these nice things for her but that when I don't do them she reacts short or in the case of being hungry she says she will just go to bed hungry. And of course then I give in and say I will go grab something. I just feel so guilty and bad when I don't do these things. But I am in a desperate pursuer mode and she is retreating. And any time she comes closer and I connect with her she immediately retreats. I just don't know how to stop that pattern.
Hi Tobias,
The short answer is yes, your reaction was too strong. She reached out for your help. You said no. Her response was fine with ok, ttyl. You should have left it at that. She asked, you answered. Done. No additional response from you would have been best.
Her asking you to do things for her is more of her cake eating. You are so smart to recognize that you are in a desperate pursuer mode. Loose the guilt by truly detaching. A DB coach will help you stop this pattern.
Cristy
Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
