I really don't know how to marshal my thoughts. A lot of people weighed in here and I want to answer them... if y'all care enough to ask, I care enough to answer. But right now I can't. I've been avoiding doing so since last evening when I read all the other responses. When I try, I feel like I'm justifying. I'm trying to figure out if that's true. I don't lie, and that includes to myself. I'll answer when I figure out my answers.
I just got gut punched by a text from W, who isn't supposed to be talking to me. She's taking her parenting class today. Apparently, they had to "sell" their spouses as an exercise. I got the "pleasure" of seeing a photo of her ad.
Quote:
For sale: Nerdy, booksmart, oblivious, sweetheart, quiet, amazing father, over worker, great cook, and much more. 42 year old IT manager with a yearning for family values but gets super oblivious. He needs to be owned, so make him yours today!
I hate that this made me sad. I hate that this came from someone who threw me away like trash. I hate that I can't tell if this is just a way to keep me attached and hurt me. I hate that I have no trust. I hate that it doesn't change how I feel.
I hate that y'all have called me out on my use of the word "never." I hate that I might be wrong. I hate being the WAS. I hate that I don't WANT to change that. I hate feeling like a failure for letting my marriage die. I hate that I'm the one that filed, regardless of why I had to.
On the plus side... texting with W right now about D... and don't really feel anything. She tried to pick a fight, then blamed me for it, and I just don't want to fight. So yay for some level of detachment, I guess.
