God does for us what we cannot do for ourselves

[leahsue]

Hi JuJu,
I don't know if you've read any of my threads. I had seen your name a time or two, but never had gone back and followed you from the beginning. Something caught my eye in one of your posts last night to another person in this forum, and since I normally only stay in Newcomers, I guess I had missed your story.
I was reading where you were describing your STBXH's drug problem, and the signs that you missed for so long. It completely swept me away, and as I went back and began to read your story, I was stunned by how similar my H sounds to yours. I was up most of the night reading your posts, and today I have to say, perhaps my H's issues may not be the job, etc. that he claims them to be. I have to say, in the very beginning after BD, both my family and I wondered aloud if perhaps he had gotten into the wrong group of people in his new big city life and work, and possibly was doing some type of drugs. The more I read, the more I think this may be a possibility.
When you have a chance, would you mind going back to my threads and skimming my story, just to give me your perspective on what I've journaled over the last few months. I think there are 3 threads total so not a whole lot to cover, but I would treasure your thoughts and possible insights into what I've written. I know that we can never, and MAY never know, what the root cause is to the breakdown of our marriage, and I'm not asking you to diagnose by any means, but to have a fresh set of eyes on my story might help me, especially as he plans to visit (well, as you will read, we will SEE if he visits) in the coming days. Maybe you can advise me on things to look for while we are in the same house for a week or so. I have not seen him since Jan. 1, so there's been very little snooping to be done, with the exception of a bank account that we own jointly. Either he hasn't figured out that I can see his daily transactions, or he doesn't care, but either way, it's about the only way I have to know a little about his life. There are some scattered amounts of money withdrawn that I have no idea what they are used for, but then again, he is the only contributor to that particular account, so I've not asked, because I don't want to give away my one link to his life.
I hope things are going well for you. I've only caught up fully to about your 4th thread, so after this weekend, I look forward to catching all the way up to the present.
Thanks, Julie. It's so good to read others' threads and watch them grow and change, and become better, stronger people than when they got here. You're a real inspiration to me in my own journey.