I'll readily admit that I think I'm immature. Naive may be a better word. Impulsive? Sure seems so. The messed up thing is that isn't who I am. Under normal circumstances, the best word to describe me is DELIBERATE. I think about things slowly. I plan things. I act after I am sure something is the correct course of action. Often, I take too long to do that (analysis paralysis leads to waiting too long). Under this kind of stress, I go to pieces. I'm an introvert, and I will literally tell strangers what's going on in my life right now. This is my blind spot. The worst place for me to be. The thing I have no plans for. No tools for. No defenses against.
It's as if I hear myself. One of the challenges has been that I say no to trips and fun things because I need to plan and figure out the budget. So one of my 180s has been to try to be more spontaneous but in doing so I sometimes push a little too fast.
And yes me too, I am used to being right and in reality I am right maybe 50/50. But people look to me for advice. That was my arrogance earlier on when W asked for MC and I said nah we just need to talk better. Last week she said she really wished I would have shown this side earlier. But she seems a bit intrigued still. Just very scared that I will fall back into my old self (two days ago I kind of did for a little bit) and I think while she doesn't see a real future with OM, he does make her laugh, and he knows how to be dominant in the bedroom, something I am more clumsy with. He doesn't expect much. But the spell he has over her needs to be broken. And her depression needs to be addressed. I think the depression may be a small step in the right direction that she knows what she did was wrong but she isn't ready to move on because she doesn't feel the A was the reason our M was in trouble. So I cannot make it about that. And in reality while the A was hurtful. My actions were hurtful too. We need a new marriage so in reality she didn't cheat.
But long story short: yes, I get what you are saying about suddenly being impulsive. I had that side in me but not for the right things. So I need to be impulsive romantically when (IF?) our M gets back on track but not impulsive in expecting big changes.
I hope that helps. (I am actually typing it out for myself too...)
