Confused As Hell

[Calibri]

I agree with DDJ - I think she feels that she's out already - and most likely might be waiting for the house to sell before revealing other intentions....should she have any.

With regards to the bathroom/slap in the face comment. I've been there. At one point my XH told me that we were "working on our marriage" and then in the next sentence lied about something v. small and I called him on it. He admitted that he lied. It was a continuation of behavior that I absolutely abhorred and my reaction was a nuclear one - even went so far as the slap in the face comment - like your wife said. Looking back on it now, I know that it came from my insecurities. I felt because there was a continuation of heavily ingrained behavior - that he wouldn't/couldn't change and that *I* wasn't/didn't mean enough to him to change. I poked at it in therapy awhile back and I realized that my childhood abandonment and issues with my father and his own BP illness made me quick to react in an over the top defensive way. I know now that my reactions are mine and he can't be held accountable for them and that genuine changes take time. I've also had to learn (and this is such a struggle for me) that just because someone isn't doing things the way I would, doesn't mean they're not doing the best that they can. I've also learned that expectations are the root of all heartache and have been working to detach my love for him (both then and now) and untie it to my self esteem issues and desire to feel wanted. I say that to you so that you can hopefully start not taking her words to heart. Realize that you can love her and if you are (genuinely) trying your best - know that not turning on the light is not going to keep her from loving you and or reconciling.

I wouldn't advise MC until both parties are ready to commit to the process. At that point you can get a referral to another MC, but imo it's a waste of time and will perhaps push her further down the road of divorce.

I still believe you need to work on yourself and leave your wife to decide if she's going to do the work on herself. While I absolutely do believe you should show her changes that are permanent - I don't believe you should become a doormat. Going on trips to New Orleans, living in an apartment for 6 months after all this. Not a healthy situation. You want to be her husband and her partner - not her cake.