hi JujuB Thanks for joining in. Actually this is a strong possibility. he is high functioning at work and restless. Addiction to painkillers and maybe alcohol is a possibility although when I saw him I only saw around 2 cups of alcohol a day but painkillers he used to take a lot ( around 6 or more per day)due to his back and by end of day he is un able to move. My friend says these numb feelings and makes him forgetful and cold. I don't think he takes any anti depressant as I don't think he think he has a problem other than his back. The question would be we are in two different countries so I cant help in that. how do they wake up if ever?
Hi Lana
I am learning. I am learning that pain killers are insanely addictive and one of the most difficult drugs to withdraw from. I think I read that if you do sober up there is a 90% chance of relapse. I am learning that people can function on these drugs a long time without the obvious junkie signs. It gets to the point where they need them just to be normal. I am learning that addicts are masters of secrecy, deflection, gas lighting. If you go on some other forums regarding drugs, you will learn from addicts themselves that if their companion knows about 5 pills a day, there is probably a significant amount more being taken.
It also seems to be a given that they are the ones that have to want to recover and they usually have to hit rock bottom for that to happen. Nothing we can truly do to get them to stop.
But I do believe Intel is important. First off, I dont know how things work legally in your country, but pain killers are 100 dollar/per day addictions. My ex had over 50 grand a year of unexplained cash withdrawals and he has depleted a lot of his IRA.
Are you protected financially? Would remaining married to him make you a partner in any debt he might have?
I always thought my was a workaholic. He is a highly educated engineer. But with some financial discovery, I have found that he was not always at work, or leaving work at really weird hours to visit bad neighborhoods to withdraw 800 dollars in a few minutes. Really scary stuff that was kept a complete secret from me.
Intel is also important for your kids sake. Prior to finding out, I was pushing for him to see son more. Now I just want to figure out a way to keep son safe but also to allow him a relationship with his father. Not an easy balance.
Vanilla likes to say, "once you know, you cant unknow" There is a difference between addiction and mlc, although it seems to affect us LBS the same.
I kept questioning myself and put a lot of blame on myself for really minor things in a relationship (things that most normal people do not end a marriage over) knowing there was something beyond my control has changed my way of evaluating our relationship dynamics.
Were there any unusual habits that your husband had when you were together?
