Over the last couple of days my WW has been visiting the boys and I every day whilst still being in her A, I have continued to do my strategies which has shown some positives...
Saturday - she went to get her hair cut I had our boys and we met afterwards at the local park for the "exchange". Whilst we were there we shared some food together (she paid for food) and all was very amicable. It was strange that the AP/LO was nowhere and due to this she stayed longer than normal until the parking meter ran out BUT she said she would have stayed longer. I stayed completely neutral throughout and just talked about everyday matters, I was surprised when she actually showed remorse and apologised twice for what she continues to do. I said to her "we only have one life" and did a kind of 180 on her as I assume she was expecting me to berate her for the pain we were in. We left it at that.
Sunday - She brought the boys to my "home" and again stayed and talked to me (I never initiate contact) all very amicable and she left to do her thing whilst I had the boys for a few hours.
Monday - Wow Monday was the day I have the boys stay over and I had them from when they finished school all the way through until tomorrow morning (Thursday). She is finding this very hard and was emotional clearly in tears! She mentioned to me the usual "I wish I could go back in time" and "we should have had another baby so that I could have had time off work"! This took be back a bit but remained neutral throughout showing a happy, confident caring man and basically said to her "Thursday will soon be here" I comforted her by stroking her back just to let her know I feel her pain.
Tuesday - WW came around later than usual and mentioned that she was taking part in meetings to discuss TL performance for their PDR. I stayed charged neutral (CN) and suggested that next year she maybe doing it for the managers (showing validation). She mentioned she was late due to the house being a mess and that "I knew her" referring to her standards. She said she didn't like the house to which I responded with "Well your moving arn't you?" referring to a previous conversation.
In the conversation she said "our house" knowing that I don't live there instantly replied with "has he moved in?" she said that he was spending more time there BUT has not moved in and is NOT replacing me. WTF! I stayed CN throughout especially when she then went into a conversation about me and whether I am seeing anyone, I mentioned I wasn't and just wanted to be there for the boys BUT "if something fell in my lap?" She instantly went into attack made and said "don't just pick the first woman & women are nasty none of them will be good enough for my boys." (Pot and kettle) hit a nerve there... I continued to be consistent and everything continued in an amicable way.
I showed her to her car and we discussed visitation and that the whole conversation was about me seeing the boys, she agreed and waved goodbye as well as waving goodbye at the top of the street.
What I got from all this... 1.Being used when the LO/AP is not around (second choice). 2.Her remorseful - cried a lot when not being with the boys. 3.Jelousey "don't just pick the first woman & women are nasty none of them will be good enough for my boys". 4.Regret - "I wish I could go back in time" and "we should have had another baby so that I could have had time off work"! Saying sorry more frequently.
I am tonight waiting for the pushback.
Thanks for the opportunity to vent.
Mark.
DR'ing started March 2017
Don't blow the last bridge up from fantasy island, act "as if".
