It's so weird the way sometimes she bothers me and sometimes she doesn't.
They don't have kids. He does just like her and care about her. He is also very, very attached to his past, and she's a big chunk of some of his favorite parts.
My Guy has been amazing. He helps with the kids, and would help more if I asked more. He comes to a lot of their stuff (karate belt tests and band concerts) which can't be fun for a non-parent. He helps me all the time, and would help me more if I invited him to. He has been patient and helpful and insightful as i try to navigate my new career, which has been unspeakably stressful and challenging. I know he'd rather I do something else, but he's supportive anyway. I appreciate him so much.
I think some of what bothers me is... why doesn't she have a new relationship? When we were newly dating (after 4-6 weeks) he told me that he'd made a point of going to her and telling her that he was seeing me. I asked him if she was seeing anyone and he said that if she ever had she'd never told him. I alternate between worrying that he's being used, or that she's gotten the relationship she wanted when they were married (being cared for and having handyman help, but not having to put a whole lot of effort into the relationship). I wonder why I haven't met her yet.
The day of my last outburst here I asked him that question and he said that because he knew how uncomfortable I am about her that he's waiting for circumstances to make it just happen.
I'm on an upswing again. But I struggle all the time with trust. I trusted that Mr. Fantastic cared about me and valued the life we'd built together. Then I found out he did, except the part that included me. What is so wrong with me that a cocky little twerp like him could treat me with such contempt and disregard? And so I worry that's how My Guy will come to see me too. And sometimes it's how I see myself, though I try not to.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
