Leaving Castle Caladan

[Zues126]

J, sorry for the delay. I did track down your thread but didn't have anything come to mind to contribute. That's the hard part about the forums, all we have in common is posting back and forth, so when there's nothing to post, there's not much back and forth.

It's funny, I've always thought that long distance relationships are a mirage that trap people who fill in the gaps created between the lack of personal contact with fantasy, and that like substituting unknown DNA with frog DNA and this can lead to disasters on the scale of tyrannosauruses wreaking havoc and eating supporting characters.

But, on the other hand, I think the same could be said of courting in general, people putting their best foot forward, performing their mating dance, shining in the light of new relationship endorphin rushes, and unaware of their own dysfunctional wiring. At some point, what's the difference.

I've always figured that marriage is like a voyage across an ocean by raft. No point in waiting for a sunny day to set sail, there are going to be plenty of storm tossed nights no matter how nice it is when you cast off so don't sweat it. The same way, even if you do fall into a 'trap' due to the LDR factor, I don't think you'll face any challenges that wouldn't confront every other married couple. You'll feel like you made a horrible mistake, like you were wrong about who he was, you didn't know him at all, you aren't compatible, you didn't know how important something or other was to you, he's changed, he hasn't changed, you feel lonely, you feel smothered, you could never be happy again until he does this or that, you can't live this way, you can't imagine living the rest of your life without feeling differently than the horror that is your marriage, and so on. Great news though- this is the price of admission for marriage! Congratulations! Now you get to deal with that, find the positives, and enjoy the surprising times that aren't as bad as all of the others!

Maybe I should make it my mission to crusade around and crash weddings every time they say that "speak now or for ever hold your peace" part. But really, I do think if more people had realistic ideas of how this was supposed to work it would help. But probably not.

You are doing good JB. Being happy but directionless and confused is a long way from suicidal and depressed. I'm so glad you decided to upgrade your emotional problems. You can handle these.

The thing about enjoying the moment has been said a million times in a million ways. Life is what happens while you're making other plans. The precious present. Live each day as if it's your last. If you can't snort it with a rolled up hundred dollar bill you can't afford it. You know what I mean. Basically just a heap of cliches about not letting tomorrow's uncertainty spoil today.

I don't know who you are either, or where you're heading. And if that causes some distress, that's ok. It's probably good, it's probably necessary because you're asking questions that will force you to find answers you might need to steer the ship and go the direction that is most Jelly. But in the meantime enjoy your relief from the darkness and make a point to do a few things that slow you don't and make you aware of the here and now. Daily appreciation has been my pillar through all of this.

I know for me most of my 5 year plans don't come to pass. I make them, and they serve a role of getting me to move the direction I want to go, but I haven't had the experience of moving in the same direction for 5 years without some cataclysmic life force changing my course. Like steering by the north star, you don't reach it, you just use it to go the right direction. But I ultimately get somewhere I needed to be, and I enjoy the journey as much of the time as possible.

Hope you can do the same and that you keep posting here and there when you're up to it. It's good to hear from you and know you're doing so well. Relatively. Keep it going J!