Chapter 4 - Acting As If

[bigybiz]

Question: W has deep resentment that pops up - stirs the pot then she runs away. Then the cycle repeats.

Last week - I asked W for a few minutes to discuss S11 after school activities for Fall 2107 - she said yes.

Discussed bulk of the matter - she was OK with 50%. I pitched an idea I had for the other 50% - she was not OK. And that happens with the best married couples. I told her it was an idea, happy to look at other options.

Then it started. Where is the $ coming from for my idea... She does not get to see S11, S16 enough. She felt she had to leave/ I forced her the house last year, I was not giving her any options - she implied I had compromised her legal rights.

I said to her: I did not force her to leave, under Ontario law she could move back in at any time. If she wanted to discuss this we should set up a time to do this. She brought up a few related items, I said (calmly I think), I only wanted to give you a brief update on the after school program, I did not want this conversation to dissolve.

Well she left and was tense with me every interaction all week. So

I'm not going to bring it up again ( we are both avoider so, I confident she won't either).

Life is going on, it may crop up again. I'm certain that the resentment is brewing, etc, etc. It will crop up again.

How do we break this cycle? I'm happy to change my habits/patterns and I do with little impact.

We are about 85% N/C

I've tried to be business like - only handle one issue, email/text an agenda for a meeting, etc W still ignores me. I handle things on my own, resentment builds and pops up.

Any ideas on how to break this very dumb cycle?