LiM: One Year into Piecing

[LiM]

Hi Friends,

I need some help.
My W and i have been piecing for just over a year. We’ve had our bumps in the road but for the most part, I think it has gone well. We go to MC and both have IC. I’ve worked hard to really change the person I was in the past and I am proud of the person I have become. I’m not perfect. Never will be. But I have a desire to continually work to to improve myself.

For most of the past year, I’ve not felt that my W was doing as much as she needed to do. Admittedly, I took her back too quickly and too easily. I feel that she has been doing the work but something has just been off and I’ve not quite been able to put my finger on it. If I had to guess, its that my W still has feelings for OM. But I don't have to guess today because I did some snooping (I know, I know) and it confirms my suspicions.

Last week, my W went to a track at a middle school close to our house, with one of our daughters, to do a track work out. In looking at some text messages, I discovered that OM had been there too. There was no interaction but my W did text a couple of friend to tell them about the encounter. She basically said, there was a really hot guy there that was also running. And it was “you know who.”
To my knowledge, she’s only had one other accidental encounter with OM and she told me about it. She did not tell me about this one.

I can understand why a WW would still have feelings for OM. I know its normal to go through withdrawals. But still, a year later? And if you are still struggling with those emotions, and if that were still normal, why would you be telling other people about it? What does that say about you when you are supposed to be working on repairing your R? To me, it means she’s not really working on it as much as she should.

I continually work on trying to be kind and loving. I look for opportunities for us to spend time together and rebuild trust and intimacy. But I always feel that there is a wall between us. That wall is feelings for OM. And I don't know what I should be doing now. I readily admit that suffer from separation anxiety. This is NEW to me. I’ve never in our entire history been that way. And yet I am now. Am I smothering her? If so, I don't know what to do about it. I do feel very needy. I feel like I am not whole or complete unless I am with her and doing something loving or fun. Do I have some codependency running amuck? I love her so much and I thought we were working hard at building a better M. But OM is still in the middle of it. How do I deal with this? I just don't know what to do.