if the friend woman wasn't moved by your request, I don't think more words will help. Your h is either embarrassed or hiding something or both.
If you are going to raise the issues, talk to your h and no one else outside your family.
Again, what was your r like with your mil?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016