Boston Dad in need of Help

[Teppo]

I hope all is well. This is my first post, so please bear with me. I've been reading the forums for a few weeks and finally decided to join in. I really need advice as I'm likely to be served with divorce papers soon.
I've been married for 9 years and have one 7-year old son. My wife and I are 44.

I'm not sure how to start, so I'll give it a go. I'll be the first to admit that I haven't been the perfect husband. I'm guilty of being moody, irritable, complacent, taking my wife for granted, and not being friendly to her mom. My wife's primary compliant is that I've got anger issues. To be upfront, I've never struck or threatened my wife or kid. What she describes as "anger" is my yelling out of frustration if I broke something while working on a project or being short and curt with her. In my defense, I'm not like this 24/7 and she has told me that I'm an excellent father. I acknowledge my short comings and have made a concerted effort to change my behavior since she has threatened to divorce me on Easter. In the past she has made casual remarks about her concerns, but nothing to indicate to me that she was keeping score or would consider a divorce. To put it simply, she never sat me down and said "Look! If you don't change your ways I'm leaving!" And she has never suggested that we see a counselor. In fact, during our marriage we never had what my friends have described as a "knocked out, drag out fight". Prior to Easter I viewed our biggest problems to be lack of communication and intimacy. Not just sex, but the absence of playful flirting and going out on dates. As many married couples know, we got wrapped up with our kid and jobs, and maintaining the romance was placed on the back burner by both of us.

On Easter, I discovered that she’s having an emotional affair with a 58-year old divorced man. To date, I don’t think the relationship has become physical, but I’ve been looking at her texts and the flirtation level has increased substantially, but not to the point where they are sexting. I know I shouldn’t look at her phone, but she won’t talk to me and I feel the need to know what she’s thinking. We tried counseling the week after Easter, but that was a failure as she used it as a platform to simply say “I’m unhappy and my life will be better without you”. I couldn’t respond to that and there was no attempt to repair the damage or work things out. She concedes that the divorced man is a “friend” and that she confides in him, but denies that she’s having an emotional affair and is adamant that she hasn’t done anything wrong.

During the past few weeks we’ve been meeting with our Deacon who specializes in marriage counseling, but it doesn’t seem to be making an impact on her. I’ve tried detaching from her. I did plead with her once or twice, sent her flowers, but that was during the week immediately following Easter. Since then I’ve given her space and have acted like everything is OK. I don't call her and text her only if it has do with our son. How do I get her to reconsider? To give my son and I one last chance? I’m afraid that she’s told so many people that she’s leaving me that there’s no turning back for her. Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks!