I used to post here as Julie in 2015 and now in surviving divorce. I have only skimmed through your last thread but read this one And you are describing my ex.... (both a bit different from some of the walkaways here)
Both shared financial mismanagement and lack of financial transparency.
Both are able to stay cool, calm disconnected yet remain polite and in charge of their emotions. Both push buttons, but genuinely want their space. My ex loved My very limited contact.
Both have no real attachment to kids, and neither you and I get it.
Both have pain. Back issues.
In my own situation, I recently discovered a really really strong case for an expensive addiction to pain pills.
My ex is high functioning and comes across as clean cut, professional. You would never know.
Is you're ex an addict? Mine was leading a completely double life. I am only learning this though financial discovery and things that made no sense are making lots of sense.
Any weird habits? Stomach issues? Unexplained needs to run errands?
I too though affair (could have been 1 as well) aspergerss, OCD, intentional depletion of marital assets, mlc, distance/ pursuer issues, only to recently find out a secret alcohol and pain pill addiction.
If that is the case (and I could be wrong) marital counselors won't even see us because it's kind of a different ball park.
If I am wrong, I greatly apologize because I know the anxiety that a subject like this can invoke. But I was very naive to the signs and didn't even know to look for something like this 6 months ago. I would have liked someone to point it out, and in my case a friend who went through something similar did and I started detective work.
If it is the case, you can't approach him and expect him to admit it. Different type of help might be necessary. And getting Intel (without him knowing) might be crucual
