Thanks ownit and Equisite for your concerns. here is an update. I wrote the email and was planning to send it. I am a bit spiritual and in my faith we have a prayer asking for guidance. SO I prayed at night and requested guidance of whether to send the email requesting divorce or not. Next day I woke up with cramps, headache and gloomy. maybe it was my subconscious, maybe God wanted me to back off. No idea but I knew I should not send it. Then I got Ownit email and decided I will have to respond to all her questions before sending it which took a while. I have been busy, meeting new people, hiking, and seeing my friends. I had a great conversation with one of my friends going through depression and mlc and I find it enlightening to hear how she feels. and how everything gets to her nerves and not being able to deal with daily activities. she told me how depression is paralyzing her sometimes and numbing her feelings. What if my letter makes him loose any hope of a normal life again. Would he fight for our marriage or just accept the fact. I wish I could know where in the process he is, IS he still in replay . Does he really want his life back or not. I wish I can shake him to speak anything. So basically did not send him anything. He did not send the kids authorization letter until I reminded again and he sent an unconditional / open one. But I requested a specific dated letter. he stopped communicating with the kids, they sometimes send him a msg but feel he is too busy at work and don't want to bother him so they bother me. I don't mind it and I spend hours with them.I love these kids so much I know I am so lucky to have them in my life. They will be flying in next week and I have a great program for them to enjoy. I am been doing lots of hikes, beach and I know they will enjoy the summer. As for him, I need to leave it to GOD to decide what he ants to do with him. I need to work on being proud of where I am and just be able to say I am separated.
Every month I seem to have a time where I get emotional and want to end things then I stop. the problem is I need closure and will not get it without us talking.
M 45 H 45 D1 12 D2 9 BD 04/14 Living two different state Not officially separated
