T0, you haven't gone 30 days without having an R talk that leaves your H exasperated and feeling hopeless about the possibility of making things work with you.
When you 'act loving' you do it for minutes and minutes and then feel hopeless that things aren't better.
When he doesn't respond the way you need him to when you need him to you say he isn't doing anything and it's clear he wants out.
Then you corner him and tell him you can't go on not getting what you need and challenging him on why he isn't doing his part and prove to him that your loving acts are less than skin deep.
Then you come here and post.
^^all of this is valid and makes total sense to me I disagree that it makes sense to cut bait and walk from the marriage. I have the utmost respect for other posters but they are also dealing with the loss of their marriage which isn't preventable and are struggling hard to find the bright side of divorce.
On the off chance you are implying that I am telling her to cut bait, no. Hardly. I've been a long time rooter for the m.
And no, I'm not projecting my situation onto hers. Read what I wrote carefully before saying I'm "looking for the bright side of divorce. Seriously?.
T0 has done the DB ordeal before. This is her second round and she claims she cannot do it again. Maybe she's wrong.
But That is what she has stated repeatedly. It's not throwing in the towel like some folks who face an A and blurt out "cheaters always cheat" and treat all situations alike. OR assume this is the first marital crisis. I DB'd for 2 years and then reconciled for 10 years so I'm not exactly the type of person to "cut bait"....
T0 is saying she knows she cannot do it again, like it's just not in her. Maybe she's wrong but I'm taking her words at face value. Some folks believe that an affair is always a deal breaker, and I'm not one of those. Some folks say a lot of things are deal breakers and they assume that others feel the same. I'm not one of those either.
And as I said, as well, I'll support any choice T0 makes. I'm not here to shove my opinion on her and as I said, I'm not here looking for validation;
I want T0 to be at peace. I take her words at face value, ask her to reexamine them and then - and only then, - if she is certain in her heart of hearts that another DB ordeal is happening and if she knows she simply cannot endure another round,
that's what I was referring to. T0, no I don't think you've been very consistent for very long and honestly, being pregnant makes a lot of things beautiful and a lot of things harder.
I could not support you leaving a m while carrying a child, absent some form of abuse. But it's the circular behavior Zues describes above that I hope will stop. I think it's harmful to you. And not getting you anywhere.
So far it seems you cannot change that^^^ dynamic, soon, with your h in the house. We have urged you to do so for months now.
But then you say "if he leaves he cannot come back", as opposed to you telling him to get some space for YOU to have some space...
What do you think you are capable of? You have been given a lot of advice and you do it and then literally within a week or so, you have an R talk. Or get upset about a text not being returned or you seethe about him being late BUT you "did not ask him where he was or why he was late"....
I know it's different when there was an affair, but normally, I cannot imagine asking my h these questions Unless I was genuinely afraid he'd been hurt or b/c there was an appointment he was needed for (I know that happened - he missed one. But these just don't sound like divorce reasons). And the affair was howling ago? I'm not judging.
It's all about what you can do, behaviorally and what you can do maritally.
I did not tell you what you SHOULD feel or SHOULD do or want...As I said and I specifically avoided that.
I'm saying if you know you cannot do another round of DBing, and if you know that's where this is going,
okay then...what do you want and need and what do you fear and what do you dream?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
