My DB coach told me something that made it easier to go NC. She explained to me that when I wanted to talk to my WAW about something, it was about me putting what I wanted ahead of what WAW wanted.
I wanted to be validated. I wanted her to understand me. I wanted her to regret her decision. I wanted her to understand the pain she was causing. And so on.
What my DB coach told me was that she wanted me to understand the pain I caused her. She wanted me to give her space. She wanted me to let her go gracefully. She wanted me to understand her.
The more I tried to get what I needed, the worse it looked. The actions contradicted the words. Maybe my words could be "I'm sorry I didn't listen to you or give weight to what you were saying during our M", but if this is said in the face of her request to not have R talks then the very fact that we are ignoring her request and having an R talk proves that you care more about your need for an R talk than her need for space.
Once I really understood this I was able to show my love silently by dropping the rope. I hope this helps.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
