I don't think there is any question that everyone here wants TO to save her marriage because that is what she has said she wants (and lets face it with young children involved it makes it that much more desirable despite the difficulties). Nevertheless, TO has been advised for months now to stop the R talks, be loving, and act as if. She has not been able to do it.
In the face of that, and what seems like daily angst for her, some of us think that TO and H would be better served with some space to sort through their respective feelings and commitments to the marriage. I lived in the scenario with an H who made no effort and constantly said he was done. It was abusive and it harmed me and me kids greatly (and they are old enough to verbalize that).
I for one hope that with some time and distance that TO and H will come back as more complete people and focus on the important task of raising those three boys. As Georgiabelle discussed, I'm just asking her to confront the fears that are making her feel trapped. To live in a cage of fear is not to live at all.
And by the way, I am 100% pro marriage, but I don't believe living in a tense, cold, and embittered household is good for anyone involved. I think we are all well served to keep rereading Blu's thread for inspiration that time and space can be marriage-saving.
