25yearsmlc 10 yrs later I File D (part 4)

[25yearsmlc]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2743446#Post2743446

Just thought I'd start a new thread so Job doesn't have to tell me.

The topics covered in part 3 ranged a lot. Huge perspective shifts within me, like 2 steps forward, 1 step back and 2 sideways...

Of course still NO contact from h (which is his MO and for now it's what I prefer. But after 35 years of marriage to have had ONE brief conversation with h, is bordering on the insane. Talk about a fast replacement...)

Re D19, h cut her off for anymore college tuition (which is less/different than how we treated our older kids), and just a lousy thing to do.

Says "your mom (me, 25) can help pay HER share for your college with the spousal support I pay" --

WHICH HE IS NOT PAYING AT ALL & WHICH H IS FIGHTING IN COURT....


Weirdly, He wrote her (in an actual letter dated a month earlier) that her "being on your own so soon in life will end up being a good experience in independence"

for her and he listed his contributions to her like health insurance (sorry, but is paying for our kids medical insurance when they are 19, something we have to applaud & admire, now??)

then h wrote "Call anytime. Love, Dad"....


To ME, that's^^ an insane, self serving letter

or is it cruel? I cannot tell anymore with h. The fb posts with him and the "love of his life" are so offensive to me that I had to step back and say "wait, it might NOT be cruel so much as crazy AND cruel..."

Because what person with a gene for empathy, would not know in advance that's a lousy thing to post?

MOST IMPORTANTLY - what difference does it make? MLC or Narcissist or a lousy guy I didn't recognize earlier, or I'm co-dependent or I was too complacent and or my own fears of being alone, -

I was committed to h and to my m, and i was loyal. But clearly I made mistakes or I would not be here now.

all that matters is his behavior $ucks. It's not acceptable. I don't want it. I don't like this man, and I certainly don't love him.

He has a dark, ugly side that is at present, running his show.

More R-cap

H, (the MD), continues to pretend he is "retired" and thus argues he is not willing or able to comply with the court orders from late January. Thus no support...nice...

He's been seen recently at office functions which is not what retired folks do, but unless I ask that person to sign an affidavit saying she saw him there AND that it somehow proves he's still working, I'm not sure what to do there. Saying "hire a PI" sounds good but I need income. I have already borrowed from my sister, God bless her.

H lost in court but he's winning in real life...what a terrible process we have.

DATING

I swing back & Forth on dating, and I worry about my kids as they say on one hand,
"mom of course you don't 'need' a man"

But they ask me often about whether I'm dating. I do think they want the best for me and in a way , "on paper" H is winning this stupid contest feeling situation. More later...

. D19 is openly gay and looks sort of Peter Pan like. At a political rally near Mother's Day, she was assaulted and then defended herself, and she and the idiot were both arrested (probably to keep both crowds calm, in fairness to the police)> all of this is on film.

Then The idiot failed to show up in court so there's a warrant for his arrest AND he has other warrants out of his arrest for similar charges. This is what this guy does. He's twice my kids' size and he's 29...rumor has it that he is PAID to target, provoke and harass and then attack, people like my d19. Nice.

But until we have a chance to show the DA these pics and film, I'm going to have to hire a L up there. Might be 2-3 more steps. I AM A Lawyer (from another state & have not practiced in decades)

After seeing the procedures in D19's state, (college town) my being an out state AND out of practice lawyer will NOT help me be the hero and rescue her. Believe me, I wish.

So it'll just cost more money. And no h has not been told. Politically, and personally I guess, d19 sees the attacker as "just another man" who hurt her. H has politics different from d19 but in fairness, h would not want our kids hurt obviously But it Makes me sad.

AND I'm so angry at the injustice of this AND for our children and so baffled

and I need to learn how to live with this anger -don't want that- or process it or lessen it or let it go OR something! it's exhausting. I mean it, I notice a day or two after I'm FURIOUS, I'm really tired...

My health issues remain - The meds I'm on for another year do have side effects. Sorry...

However it also kills me to know that if I had had a stroke last fall when I was sooooo sick, where would h be? Where would I be??


He did not have my back and folks, I mean, I was in the ICU and he practically fled. "Monitored the situation" from the other coast... The one time I truly was vulnerable - HOW on earth can he live with himself? How can he compartmentalize THAT???

These^^^ are the questions I struggle with,

AND asking these questions, is among the stupidest wastes of time in my life.


there are NO "good" answers, nothing will fix my feelings about his cad like behavior. In my fog, his indifference or supreme selfishness was both repellent and clarifying.

Issue number 1 - am I protecting myself legally and financially as best I can?

NO I HAVE NOT...

Have I gotten my kid legal help OR financial help with college?

No I have not.

Have I processed my pain and begun to heal? Well, it has started. I'm awake now, that's for sure.

So I guess I have my work cut out for me

and sometimes just writing it out helps.

Thanks for listening...

((( )))