What to do

[25yearsmlc]

SLS

to recap what I've read here in your thread...

6 weeks ago (4-28, to be exact) your w said she was very unhappy and left the home. You didn't beg or plead but seemed "semi at peace" (??) with her choice b/c - maybe you wanted this or wondered what freedom would look like in the past

(I'm paraphrasing, obviously but correct me if I'm wrong) And or b/c you wanted to keep the peace and not plead, etc.

but after you separated you two dated and things seemed to be going well, but she also texted and or was with OM.

And this 6 week period is too painful for you so you want to end the marriage now.

Is this^^ accurate?

Can you see other people's signature blocks?

Even without OM, Can you even imagine reconciling now and having it last?

You have not figured out your role or hers, and you are rushing this so much

I almost feel as if her A is an exit affair, for you...



thoughts?

[25yearsmlc]

PS

the signature blocks are where our timelines are. This is a marathon not a sprint.

That cliche really is true.

[sls1860]

Ok your right I'm just not happy with my situation right now and I probably do need to calm down. I agree I just am spent emotionally. How can I go dark when she won't leave me alone. Every few hours she will text me and ask what I'm doing then start to ask me why I'm not talking to her. Just so confused

[sls1860]

And no if we got back together right now it would never last. And if we do get back together it has to I will not put the kids thru this crap again. And no I really don't want out of my marriage. I want out of the situation. I love her dearly just messing with my head so much

[LiM]

She's temp checking SLS. You don't have to respond to her constant attempts at communicating. You can choose to ignore them.

You are hurting more than you ever have in your entire life. Nothing can be fixed immediately. This will take a long time. Just slow down and focus on taking care of you. Detach, 180, GAL and go dark. The only thing you need to talk to her about right now are the kids.

[sls1860]

If she reaches out should I speak to her or is the cake eating. I know I'm reading way more into this then I ever should. But is it good news she still wants to talk?

[LiM]

If she's just sending nonsense, unimportant questions/comments, you don't have to respond. She's temp checking and trying to make sure she has you as "plan B." Part of what needs to happen for her to start coming out of the fog is that she has to realize some sort of significant loss. She's got to know that she has lost you; that you are moving on with your life because of her choices.
If she wants to ask how you are, then you can wait a day to respond and simply say "I'm fine."
If she asks what you've been up to, then you can wait and day and simply say "sorry, I've been really busy."
The A has got to die before the R process can start.

[25yearsmlc]

please check my post above, and the questions I asked you,

and the comment I made about this maybe being an exit affair, for you...

which you are now using against her, as if the A is all there is to this.

How long has it been since you believe you have had both your feet in the m?

What do you think your w would say if she were here?

Dig deep.


PS her texting you is not a bad sign. Doesn't mean you have to respond, but it's not indifference on her end, which is big

[sls1860]

Right I understand about the texting being just there. I no longer support her in texts and I no longer say sorry. Just today she texted me about not finding her notebook where she had written down her wifi password. And I never said anything. I will cont to distance myself from her in that regard.

And no I don't think this is an exit affair for me at least I don't believe so. I could be wrong I still love the crap out of her. I'm just lost.

Also our anniversary is tomorrow I bought a card for her and plan on giving it to her if she has one for me. Is that ok

[25yearsmlc]

I'd put a photo of the kids or a good memory - not just of you 2, & say something like "it's still worth remembering"

or "thanks for helping to create this"

and leave it at that. Just my thoughts