Who's fault is this again? Can I forgive her?

[Irish M]

Hi bttrfly, gwen and juju :-)

I wish I could tell you all it was drama free , but it wasn't.

When a mom is as dysfunctional as your daughter's mom is, I think it's so important for them to have an adult point out what she's doing (in a sensitive and respectful way) so that they always remember that this is not their fault.

they know it's not their fault. I've made that clear to them since day 1. They also witnessed more monster than I did. She was not herself. They also know it was not my fault, that their mom has all the blame of not handling her shite then going MIA, escaping reality to live in a make believe world of MLC hogwash.

I am so lucky to have open girls, that talk and share their emotions. I thank my mom for talking to me as a child and always listening and not criticizing or telling me what to do or think. Guided me yes but listened more than talked. I was programmed like that and I passed it on to my girls. I believe it is what saved me and them from falling into the MLC trap.

If she was trying to physically assault them, a good parent would just stand in front and block the blows. I feel like you're actions are no different.

She was violent verbally and physically with the girls just after BD. Especially D16 who was 14 at the time. Police and child services were involved. Yet my MLC'r denies it ever happened. Down plays anything I showed her.


Well prom day started for us on the Friday evening. Brought D16 and 2 of her closest friends to the nail salon to get manicures and nails done. I don't know how customers sit there having this done while the technician wears a mask to not breath in the dust creating by all the grinding and filing. Then add the chemicals in the air. its all toxic. Yet customer after customer arrive and don't ask for a mask. I asked D16 if she wanted one.. she said no daddy, go do some errands and come back in 40 minutes. So i did. Got back and all 3 of them said.. we should of wore a mask.


Saturday 8am.. was hair appointment. My hair dresser came in special for my D16. She has done my D16 and D14 hair on every special occasion since they had hair long enough to cut. Well lets just say I stuck around for that one. Seeing her get the older, mature looking hair style for her prom. I got a tear in my eye. It brought back memories of my wedding day and both my D's were here . When i first saw them on my wedding day i cried and fell to my knees. i knew this was going to be one of those days. I could see D16 looking at me in the mirror and she smiled. I took lots of pictures. I'm getting shivers just rethinking of those moments as I type.

Next was makeup. Here is where they transforms a baby girl face into a young pre-adult. Where my D16 starts to look more and more like a woman.

It was an emotional morning.

We get back to the house at 11am. She needs to be at the school for the march at noon. D14 has a huge smile on her face. D16 received flowers and a card. D16 was excited. thinking they are from her prom date or my parents. My gut told me different. As she read the card her face changed. She threw it on the floor , took the flowers and threw them into the garbage.

why did she have to write me. It's my day not hers. She is so stupid. If she shows up i will smash her face. She said and she stormed downstairs to get dressed.

D14 picks up the card and just says it's from her.

I looked at the card. Hi D16, I'm Hopping you have a nice prom. I wish I could be there but it's not my choice. You are becoming a young woman. I am proud of you.Love mom xxx

It wasn't bad but I understand D16 for being upset. D16 didn't chose for her mom to leave and abandoned her. She didn't ask to accept her moms choices and with her OM being a druggy low life, how would her real mom ever chose that over her.

Then I hear a scream. Its all her fault.Now My shoes don't fit. She cursed my day. I didn't want to think of her. I hate her.

It took a while for her to calm down. But she did. She put it aside and we didn't bring it up for the rest of the day.

Off to the Prom. I let her get out and go into the school with her friends. Me, i got in line early to have the best view of the march. Cameras in hand.
D14 , my parents all anxious to see her and her date walk down as her final year of high school comes to a close. Lets just say when the music started my tears started as well. It was like a river.. lol . I was literally laughing that i could stop the drips. I took over 150 shots of her, her BFF's and some old school friends I recognized from her time in elementary. It was magical. She was beautiful. She looked at me each time she walked by. Her date in a white tux, red tie to match her red dress. He also got her the perfect corsage.

Then into the limos and off to Old town to enjoy diner and dancing on a cruise until late in the night.

I went home and just enjoyed the moment of achieving what I thought would of been a disaster school year. Since grade 9 final exams her mom cut out. She had to go tho summer school that year. How she managed to get through that and then go through grade 10 and 11 to finally graduate is a miracle. She did it all without her mom and through all the drama. I am so proud.


Also I realized that I didn't look to see if Xw was there. Hiding in the back somewhere. There were 100's of people. I just didn't care. Didn't look or think about it whole I was there. i was there for my D16. It was her day.


Irish