Can't get past the cheating

[Blugirl]

Hello everyone.
I am in need of help. I have been reading the 180 and the LRT stuff. I have divorce remedy and I am reading that too.

I have a husband who is VERY ANGRY. He is hurting, feels unwanted, and is lasting out. We have always had communication issues in our marriage. With this last arguement, I did say I wanted a divorce, which I now regret very much.
I haven't been there for him like a should. But I also feel like I have been unhappy with our marriage for a very long time too.

So here is where I need help. My husband has filed for divorce. He won't speak about anything with regards to the relationship. I know now that I need to stop perusing. Problem is that when I checked phone records, he appears to be starting a new relationship with yet another woman. This has happened before and he blames me for his actions. So I sent an email asking if this was the case, because if it were true, then I would allow the divorce to go through without any resistance. I would be done. I can't go through that again.

I received an email back that was filled with anger and hate. It basically stated I'm giving you what you asked for! He blames me for so much. I read the validation stuff and sent another email deeply apologizing and saying I would write even more after I had the time pray and reflect so that my words would be healing and not hurting.

Here is my dilemma, I feel like if I send something apologizing and validating his feelings, I get silence in return. I almost feel like he feels safe knowing that I am still waiting for him. That I am still here if he wants me, I'm not going anywhere. And when I send something that indicates I'm moving on, that's when he responds. I got two angry emails filled with hate today. I just don't know if I should go totally silent/dark and just start to move on. Reading his email, I know I have deeply hurt him. He says there is no one else. I am trying to look past the anger to see the hurt. Does apologizing make someone more angry?

[Cristy]

Hello Blugirl,

I would hold off on sending an email back to him at this point. However there are things that could work and make a difference. I suggest you speak to a DB coach, as they are experts in looking at what has happened to bring you to this point in your relationship and what is the best way to interact with him, so that you are most likely to bring him closer and not push him any further away. Your coach's expertise will help you come up with a very specific plan (that may be counter intuitive to what you feel like saying and doing) on how to best turn things around. I wish you all the best and would be happy to discuss the coaching with you.

Cristy

Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004