Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
Sorry to hear how bad things are getting. Its time to seriously back away from her. Good move going to make her leave the master bedroom. You know that she is actively sleeping with a number of different guys. So there has to be some consequence. If you could remove her from the home that would be even better. Now its time to seriously detach from her. Keeping tabs on her is just going to drive you crazy, because she is intentionally doing this to hurt you in my opinion.
People considering divorce have selective memory. They often recreate history, recalling few good memories. This view generally isn't true.
Focus all of your time, effort and energy into being the best dusty70 and Dad that only a fool would leave.
Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy
Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
WW attempted to serve me papers this morning in which I told her to have her lawyer send them to my lawyer. I didn't have time to read anything, didn't want to sign my name until I read through the paperwork. She of course got mad at me, I keeping my cool told her she had a lot of nerve getting mad because it is her and her only that is doing this. She then sent me a voice message that she admitted to cheating on me and she wants the divorce and threatened me to not drag it out because the kids will suffer. Again, she is causing all this to happen, the kids will be mad at her once they find out why she wants the divorce. I will continue to GAL'ing but at this point even though it's early in the process it looks like we won't stay together. I will do my best but my kids come first, I don't want them to be put in this position, it's not fair to them!! One day at a time! Thanks to everyone that has chimed in.
I forgot to add something. This online business my WW is involved rewarded her and a bunch of other consultants with a trip to Florida for their achievements. Her area leader who is paying for the trip contacted me asking to have me and our kids write her a letter congratulating her on how much the business has helped our family blah blah blah.... I will ask the kids to write something but I can't, not now. Any advice on what I should do here?? I thought about just sending a family picture or just a blank sheet of paper.
A little update, I'm trying to keep a positive upbeat attitude around my kids but the other day my dad had surgery for colon cancer and during the procedure he had a massive heart attack! He survived thank god but is not out of the woods yet. My WW has shown very little compassion for the grandfather of our kids let alone the man she has called her FIL for 20 years. This has been so emotional for me that I broke down the other night while lying in bed, I know I shouldn't let her see that but I couldn't contain it. I almost lost my dad the other night and I needed her more than ever!! I don't understand what has happened to my wife! I have basically been away for the last two days to deal with my dad, when I got home last I talked with my daughter about my dad's health and WW I know was listening and wanting to know more but wouldn't join the conversation, which is fine because I really don't want to talk to her right now. I will continue to GAL 180/last resort for my own sanity and most importantly for my kids. Thanks again,
About writing something... your wife isn't doing ANYTHING for your family right now. Why would you thank her for that, or ask your kids thank her for that?
I've been given the advice (repeatedly) that it's not my responsibility to foster the relationship between W and my daughter, it's only my responsibility to NOT damage it. I'd give you the same advice, here.
Sorry about your dad. The worst part of this is that the person you're supposed to lean on for support is not only not available, but the cause of your pain.
Stay sane. Detach. It's hard (for me it's been basically impossible to do long term) but it's absolutely worth it.
My dad seems to be somewhat out of the woods on his health, thank god! WW did finally show some compassion regarding the issue. I did pick up the DR book and started reading it, I think I will attempt a slightly different approach for the short term regarding 180. I do remember WW letting me know that I was never in a good mood while I was home and everyone in the house was on egg shells around me, I would agree that I was not a happy person for whatever reason. Through all of this and the help on my IC I have learned how to be a more upbeat positive person for me and my kids, they have noticed in a big way. But..... trying to last resort/180 and attempting to detach from my WW may make the sitch worse. I feel as I am writing this that I am still moping around when she is near. How can I 180 and still try to be upbeat around her even though she has filed for divorce and I am angry toward her? Any thought????
I'm so sorry that your dad is having such serious health issues and I'm very happy to hear that he is improving. Great news!
Keep reading DR, but don't share it with your wife or let her see it. This is only for you.
You asked how you can 180 and be upbeat around her even though she has already filed and you are angry. It is totally normal and ok to be angry. Detaching from her will help you be more upbeat.
Little compares to the devastation people feel when they discover their spouse has been unfaithful. Couples often struggle to get past intense emotional pain, mistrust, resentment and never ending arguments about the betrayal. Healing from infidelity is achievable for both of you with the right support and tools.
Cristy
Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
Not knowing what my WW is doing is the hardest part. For 19 1/2 years of marriage I knew everything she was doing and now she is a person I do not know. If she was like this when we first met I would not have continued to date her! Most of the things she is doing right now will make it easier to detach, I just need to make sure that this approach won't push her away even more. What if she is looking for attention? How will I know if I am detaching?
Me 46 WW 43 T25 yrs M20 S16 S13 D11 BD 3/15/17 Filed for D 5/31/17 D 12/2017?
