Tread: well she framed it as she did tell me we were separating. She understands I didn't see it that way and she didn't follow steps but she wanted to date (including me) and she feels it would help her reconnect with me as she considers me a catch (mostly due to changes I have made the past month and in her interactions with OM and seeing who is available).

She has expressed that she is polyamorous and honestly I am not that possessive or insecure. What I don't think is a good idea is before we work on our foundation to see other people.

But OM mostly seems to provide friendship and someone that makes her laugh. She feels pressured and trapped and if I would tell her she cannot see him she would move out and date (including if I wanted to do that). I think her seeing consistency in my actions is more important and her being 'home' is important. She isn't quite there to be committed to save the marriage but she changed from I want counseling to help us end this to now saying: I want counseling to see if we can be saved.

Unless she is really playing. She has made a sincere effort and has done a lot of things to make my life easier (doing chores), making comments about what she needs to work on, saying things like what she would like to see changed in the home, giving me compliments, being kinder to me (she said by seeing me as friend/roommate she has gained empathy for me and has acted on that. She enjoyed going on a date (her suggestion) and loved that I asked her questions. She is just afraid it is going to disappear. So by being able to see OM she feels empowered.

Doing a 180 for me seems to have to be to show her the type of husband I can be rather than completely detach. But I have stopped saying ILY (she knows my desire to make it work but has said she isn't 100% there yet... there is years of hurt..) She felt I wasn't into sex (totally not true.. I was insecure about my performance but she has recently said how much she likes it). She feels I don't listen. She feels I don't compliment her and appreciate her. So detaching would be doing in my eyes the exact opposite I need to be doing (although I need to not follow her like a puppy dog).

She went on a date with OM and said she was thinking about me.

25yearsmlc: not quite. I was very worried about her health and brought her there but there was lack of information and the initial insurance bill was 34,000 and it wasn't going to get covered. So I freaked out when I saw the bill.

Also I told her I forgive her for the A. I accept her explanation that she thought she avoided hurting me. She sees that she forgot steps. What I am worried about is rebuilding with her while she also has a shiny new toy and if it makes it easier/harder. But I must have hit the jackpot as OM keeps saying she will come back to me. And I actually feel like I could be friends with him as there are some interesting similarities between us BUT he is also not reliable to hang out with (his work has him work insane hours and he is always busy). So he might make her laugh, he might know how to please her sexually, but he cannot provide a serious relationship. In some ways he is more neglectful than I was.

On Tuesday they might hang out and the plan was to watch a movie. Now if that is all a lie she is a great actress.