Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 10

[PsySara]

Thank you for your in depth post, Sky, your words are always so helpful and soothing. It helped to read about your husband's willingness to give access to his life. Honestly if I asked for complete access to WH's phone, computer etc,., he would give it. But little things bother me, like he had a secret burner phone when he reignited the affair. I have this hopeless feeling that no matter how "transparent" he is it will never be enough after finding out easily he can sneak.

So I keep bumping back into this problem, can I forgive this man who hurt me more than any other person...twice?! What if I am not strong enough to overcome this? What if it's a deal breaker? I find such large amounts of resentment, rage, anger, hurt and disgust bubbling up. I find I can't feel respect for him. How can you love someone you can't respect?

This weekend I bought two French bulldogs for my kids, they are ecstatic. It's helped keep me focused on other things as WH has withdrawn again. He is snappy and distant, of course if I asked him about it he would deny. He went out for a motorcycle ride for a few hours and I had friends over to visit the new puppies. Again I feel this huge chasm between us. We are moving to the new house next weekend and it will likely be HUGELY stressful. I think I am going to wait until after the move to touch base with WH and ask what we're doing. He still doesn't say ILY, he doesn't show physical affection outside of sexual contact. He does text me more often, comes for lunch on his days off and eats dinner with the family. What's wrong with me? Why am I not jumping for joy?