So I made some errors by telling a few close friends that I found out... I was so hurt by her cold reaction to me finding out. After I told them she came to me and for the first time in a while we talked for a few hours and fell asleep in the same bed. She mentioned why she went for this and how it felt and how there are many things that wouldn't work between them.
This morning she freaked out when she asked me if I had told anyone. I wanted to be truthful. She has been exhausted but has spend a bit of a time together. I showed her the sex starved marriage book as it seems our libidos never matched up...although we both wanted more sex but it just never clicked the right way. was it a priority for you?
She said last night that the OM actually helped her appreciate me more and almost make these past few weeks so much better with me. I have heard more people say this ^^than I ever expected. Esther Perel has a TED talk on this very topic you may wish to watch. It's pretty eye opening. And no, she's not promoting infidelity. -From the texts I also learned she likes that he is dominant in the bedroom which is something I wish she would have addressed with me. What she may have said to OM in a text means almost nothing about what she would want from you. Plus it hurts to read. Spare yourself the pain
and of course stop talking about it b/c when Other people are involved they tend to take positions and then your ego gets involved or you have to drop the friendships if they are not in agreement with you.
And Or your w will feel cornered into a divorce b/c otherwise, she was totally wrong and a $lut to have had an A, etc.
last but not least, when couples have real issues and THEN someone has an affair, as lousy and painful as it is, and believe me, I know
it's crucial too avoid only focussing on the A. Don't stop your personal growth, as it's the one upside to this in the short term. The other, possible upside is rebuilding.
See the video I mention, it's pretty eye opening. Couples can get past it, I've seen it.
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M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
