Her MLC: The Battle I Didn't Choose

[Brubeck]

5 months unemployed now. 200 resume submittals have yielded 8 interviews. A couple of them I knew were out of my reach, a few of them I thought I had a 50/50 shot at, and a couple seemed like sure things. I guess not.

I wonder what I am doing wrong here. I am focusing on the areas where my resume is getting the most responses, but it's frustrating. In a month or two, I'm going to have to lower my standards and take whatever I can get. It's weird. I got my first job one month after turning 16 years old and I collected a paycheck for 27 years without worry.

I had fears about this happening a few years ago. Around 2013, I could see the company I was with was only treading water instead of thriving. I knew the owner was waiting for business to improve on its own, instead of trying to hustle a bit. I realized I could not work at this company forever, and that when I left that place that I would be at a crossroads as to what to do next. I spent 2 decades at that place, moving laterally through 3 different management positions because it was such an amazing environment.

I am applying for positions where I believe I have a chance of getting hired - but I feel I'm spinning my wheels. Other than being part of a solid team, I don't know what I want to do.

I'm tired of spending 3 hours a day doing job searches online with S3 and S5 crawling all over me while W lays in bed sleeping or staring at her phone. I want to get back to work so I can finalize the D and get out of here, far away from Crazy Pants.

MLC Friend #1 has pretty much disappeared. She just got a D and moved into a new apartment in the same nearby neighborhood. I overheard W say she's tired of MLC Friend #1 getting clingy, but who knows.

Our last cat died last week. I could tell something was up with our cat a couple of weeks prior to that. Day by day, she was eating slightly less and walking slower. 2 days prior to her dying, W finally noticed something was off with her. All W had to say was "She's old, she's done" in a very cold tone of voice.

The day before our cat died, W told me she was spending the following evening at the 40th birthday party for Real Friend #2. That afternoon I scheduled a doctor's appointment for the cat and was preparing to take her in. W asked me what time was the appointment. It was scheduled an hour before she was set to leave for the party.

"No! The party starts at six but MLC Friend #2 is coming to pick me up at 5:15. Why did you schedule this appointment so I have to be stuck at home with the kids!" That MLC anger is a flick of the finger.

I honestly didn't know MLC Friend #2 was coming to get her 45 minutes early. W barely tells me anything about her schedule anyway. I tried to adjust immediately. S5 already asked to come with, and I said I would take S8 with me to the veterinarian's office. I would leave S3 with MIL if she was home, or take all 3 boys with if necessary.

She wasn't budging. "So you just expected me to skip this party and watch the kids while you take all f***ing night at a vet's office downtown when there's a vet office around the corner!"

I explained I booked the downtown vet office because it was much cheaper and we're on a tight budget cause I'm not working. I got lost for a moment - I didn't realize this was rooted in MLC spew and not a legitimate complaint. In genuine confusion - I asked what the problem was? I didn't know she was leaving earlier than she said. I have changed my course of direction - I will take all 3 boys with me so she could leave whenever she wanted. The issue has been settled. What's the problem?

Broken record on repeat - "You scheduled this appointment time on purpose to trying and keep me at home with the kids. You tried on purpose to f***king do this." I wasn't going to argue with her, but I wasn't validating this crap either. I maintained eye contact, kept silent and she eventually walked away. She had to believe I was out to get her. She spewed all this in front of the kids, as usual.

I took the cat in. I was sure it was renal failure because I've seen it before. They put her down. She was 17, so she lived a good while. W never asked about the cat after that. 2 evenings later, W woke me at 1 AM to kill a large black beetle that parked itself on the bathroom floor. She sounded genuinely scared and creeped out when she woke me.