Hi bttrfly - I'm ok. Thanks for checking on me. I have not been on the forum probably because I don't have anything encouraging to post. H said he wanted to file for D some months ago. I sent him an email outlining the changes re: our settlement if separation became divorce (life/health insurance, mortgage, etc.) - it makes more $ sense not to divorce but I can't stop him and ask him to let me know if he still wanted to proceed. Waited 2 months - nothing. Sent one more message saying please let me know his decision. Still no response. It is so hurtful to be discarded as nothing. This has been my only attempt at any communication in 8 months. He has sporadically texted our oldest and has sent bday money to both girls. That's it. I don't try to collect $ due for doctor bills for the kids. I do not ask because I don't want to go through being ignored. The feelings it brings up are not worth it. Just posting this feels awful - anyway that is where we are... I have no idea What it means. He lives with OW. He could file anytime and if that happens I will survive. I will not file because it is not in my interest to file and because I believe in the vows and the sacrament.
Am I crazy? I think the man I married no longer exists. The man I married would tell me to run for the hills and take care of the girls. I just don't know if he ever existed anymore.
Sorry butterfly- really 99% of the time I am good. Friends, work - the girls are good. I have created a new life. Still in IC and trying to invest in myself. MLC is no longer the focus but back here it all comes tumbling out. It is a long process but still moving forward.
