HaWho- I am sorry for all that you've endured but I also have so much respect for you because this living situation must require an enormous amount of patience, restraint and resilience. I imagine that your emotions run the gamut every day. Please be kind to yourself and remember that your journey with your MLC spouse is more logistically complicated and that is bound to affect your life, and your emotions, in a more erratic manner. The tension must be calibrated differently when you are RA in your husband's dorm while mothering his children. Of course this student is not the guy you fell in love with so that adds to the confusion and the sorrow.
My H is a vanisher and you are correct - A catastrophic death without a body or any investigation. It leaves a gaping hole and collateral damage. One situation is not better though I'll confess it is easier knowing that we will have no awkward holidays or angry outbursts in front of our daughters. The silence can be deafening and I find myself thinking that if he had stayed we may have had a chance to reconcile. Vanishers are so removed and remote. Everything that connects you is ripped away and all you can do is try not to let the loss turn to anger because that doesn't honor your marriage and it will only hurt your children.
I guess you'll know your tipping point. You are very strong and you've acquired more insight than you realize. Time does move forward regardless of MLC. My point is that your children may be better if you all are under one roof but they are still growing up and one morning you might need to make a decision to leave rather than have them watch their father become disconnected from the family.
You will know.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
