So today when I dropped my d off. I calmly told her that I am emotionally spent. And I will not put 150% in this unless she is willing. I told her my rules for this separation and when she is ready to follow them we can then start the process of healing our family. But I told her I am not going to give her emotional support when she is lonely and wants someone to talk to as long as she spends anytime with another man. And now I feel amazing cuz I am free from this. I have forgiven her and won't allow her to cause me anymore pain.
And today is the first day I have felt like I wanna go do something for me. So I am gal and heading to a car show
Brother, there will be more pain. There is no way around it. There will be good days but there will also be bad. I am sorry you are here. These things are not fun. You've found a great place that can help you and give you support.
Don't assume anything right now. Don't believe what she is telling you. Always trust your gut on any of this stuff. Don't set hard rules unless you are 100% sure you will follow them when the time comes. Learn about boundaries and how you can enforce them and how they are only about you.
What you are doing with your hard and fast rules is trying to control her. It will not work. You need to focus on yourself. What were your flaws in this. What do you need to fix. How can you become a better man. Here's a spoiler, but DB has nothing to do with your W. it's all to do with you. Fix you and if she sees that fixed man and comes back all the better. But if she does not then you are prepared to move on in life and thrive. Do not try to control her.
What are you doing for yourself? How are you fixing you? The emotional rollercoaster will continue, even if you think it's done. Be prepared for it, process it, then let it go. It's the only way to smooth out the peaks and troughs. And one of the most important things is to exercise. This is your lifeline throughout all of this. Run, lift, get outside. It doesn't matter. Burn the negative energy off and the added benefit is that it'll help you sleep.
Stay strong and bring the focus inwards. You can only control you. Everyone is here to help you through this. Hang in there.
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
