Sorry you are here buddy. Finding out your W has had an A is a real kick in the gut. First of all, don't believe that it was only 1 time. Only time will tell if it was more than that. Your W appears to be feeling real remorse for what she did but that doesn't mean its time to start reconciling. Give it time. Lots of time. Let her sit in the mess she created. She's got to see that her choices has caused her to lose you. Let her work to earn her place back in the M. Be careful of laying out "rules." You can't come across as controlling. Detach, 180 and GAL like you are doing. Let her make the moves to begin reconciling. GO SLOW. Although they don't excuse her actions, you have admitted to many things that she has been unhappy about. Work on those things. Become the best version of you that you have ever been. Let her see what she is giving up. Be an awesome Dad.
Me: 48 y/o W: 47 y/o Together: > 20 yrs BD: Dec '15, then S 2nd BD: Mar '16, then I filed for D April '16: started piecing
