25yearsmlc 10 Yrs Later I File D part 3

[25yearsmlc]

Well these are all good points.

Strangely, I swing from one extreme to the other , which may not bode well for how 'ready" I am to date.

This weekend I've holed up with weird deep feelings of rejection. Like HOW can h really want all this wreckage and financial ruin? How can he do this to me/the kids?, etc.

(Actually h probably sees no financial ruin due to his real plans NOT to retire as he says, and the big bucks and yada yada,

but still, this costs us both a fortune. Then again, OW has a "successful business" and I guess makes money and ta dah....all is well.

And h probably sees no damage to his r's with the kids b/c either the damage is already done so H may as well be all happy,

or he can postpone thinking about all that b/c later, "things will work out" when the kids see the riches or that h is SO HAPPY, or they just come around,

or maybe h and others like him just don't go there at all.

ON THE OTHER HAND

I feel like meeting a nice normal guy for a drink (coffee is also possible) and talk, would be lovely (or hilariously boring) but then see where it goes.

Guys, other than the serial killers out there (mostly kidding DonH)

tell me, what I'm really risking - ASSUMING I protect my heart? (Okay you may be asking, "that's nice 25, just 'protect' your heart, yeah, good luck")

But it's kind of Hard to believe I can be deeply hurt again.

Then again, the ego could use a boost, not a bruise.

Dang, it's been a rough year people. I know I do not "need" a man to be complete. I know this.

Frankly, the idea of someone moving in with me now that I'm finally living alone for the first time in my life, is not appealing. Nor is a needy guy who is high maintenance...

I think it's the idea, however premature, of an endless life/future of being the "single aunt, the 'divorced one', that seems dreadfully unappealing. I don't want my kids to worry about me, I want them to see me healed and well and at peace.

I think they want to see me in a R, - (I know at least 2 of the 3 say they want that)

Geez at times this seems like a sh1tstorm & that I'm looking for a rescue.

Other times I feel strong and competent, wounded but a little liberated -

what's up with that?