[BrightFuture]

So, here are the rest of the updates. Not sure if they matter anymore…

As I mentioned before, my work was absolutely insane for a few months. I think it influenced my moods and feelings. There were some interactions with H and things he said, and I don’t even remember all of them. When I think about it, I can see some signs… But, at the same time, there is no action. And, I think I’m tired of waiting for something to happen in my sitch and pretty much gave up on any hope… to even hear any remorse or apology from H. So, I don’t even pay attention to things anymore. There are little things/signs are not enough anymore…

So, here are few things that would be a big deal for me 3 years ago. At St. Patrick’s Day gathering at my friends’ house, H was asked how he does his taxes while living at the vacation home place (which is in Mexico). He “announced publicly”, that “Bright did taxes for me last year and I hope she does it this year”. This is new. H has always been pretty secretive about our mutual business stuff. Even our mutual friends were not aware of a lot of things. Well, mind you, the guy who asked the question, had clear interest in me and was trying all night to sit next to me and talk to me.

H is regularly forwarding to me the e-mails from Quick Books about the taxes (his email is on QB subscription), while before he was doing it randomly. So, either he is paying more attention to the business stuff, or wants to remind of himself more often, as I don’t consult with him on some of the stuff I used to before, and just do it, and then inform him about everything in one e-mail.

H texted me that he wanted to pay himself and what would be the best time to do it (middle of May or end of May), so I could process payroll taxes. I told that middle of May would be better for me, as I would be busy later (my son’s graduation, etc.)
So, on Mother’s Day, H sent me the updated company file with his payroll and asked to have it back as soon as, I’m done with updates. He texted me to inform about the file and wished me happy Mother’s Day. Wow!!! First in the last 4 years, I think. It felt good, I can’t deny it…

It was about a week before my son’s graduation. I sent the updated file back. Then I got a text from H saying that he could not save that file, he was getting some errors in QB. He then sent me a video of him trying to update QB. I thought that if he sent me the video, he really needed to make it work and update the file. So, I called him from my work and tried to identify what kind of problem he was having. We had no success. I told him that I would send another file and see if it would resolve the problem. I did, and also sent him the screen shot to who how I update the file, so he could follow.

Next day I received a text from him saying that the website where we exchange the files would not let him download the file, and following my instructions still lead to the same errors. I was like, hmmmm…. which is that, you can’t download the file… or the instructions don’t work. I also went to the website and it showed that the file was downloaded. I didn’t reply right away, but got a text from H that he will just bring the “darn laptop” with him when he comes for my son’s graduation.

If I think about it… I informed H and other people in the e-mail that my son’s graduation party would be at his house. It almost feels like H wanted to see my house, and when he learnt that the party would not be at my house, he used all kinds if excuses to still come to my house. I might be wrong… my I learnt to trust my intuition…

So, I texted H that he could some over on the next day after the graduation party to tackle his computer issues. He came over in the morning… I was happy and contained as a clam… My missions was accomplished, my son graduated and we had an amazing graduation party the night before! We chatted about some things while he was starting his laptop. He asked if I could make him some coffee  … as he didn’t have any in his brother’s house. I made him some coffee… I didn’t put much though into it as I used the remaining coffee grounds, and I think I made it too weak… Oh well… He didn’t complain… I felt guilty afterwards though…

I remember him drinking the coffee without anything in it, just blank. I asked him if he wanted anything in his coffee, like cream or sugar. He said that he wanted some cream. And then he just got up and went to the refrigerator to looks for the cream… without waiting for me to bring it over… It’s like he wanted to see what I have in my refrigerator, LOL. I’m sure he also took a good look what was in my kitchen. It seems like he was taking a good look around the house and in the backyard from the living room window.

He noticed that the trees were grown so big… and the storage shed was rotten… I told him that a guy (from the vacation home and also a mutual sort of a friend) was coming over at some point to fix the storage shed, and I also need to hire some people to cut the trees down. He didn’t say anything about that… But… it looked like he was trying to see as much as he could while he was in the house… We talked about some things and it almost felt like he was looking for some sounding board about some stuff happening in his life… He was very cautions though… and I was not overly interested… I “supported” him on some of the stuff… as job always mentions, like a long lost friend…

After we were done with updating the files and talking, he made his way to the door… without any attempt of a hug… just congratulated my again on my son’s graduation (to which I replied by congratulating him too…) and walked out of the door…

So…. Where am I right now? Noticed some “stuff”… but not counting on it in any way… As I mentioned before, if there are any “actions” or “movements”, it is not enough anymore… I’m pretty well determined to keep moving on… I’m still not doing any drastic measures to separate things, and it is still pretty much a status quo… But… I’m in a much better place now… even though I have blues and sad feelings once in a while. It took me almost 5 years to come to this point… Yes, I’m slow… so is my H, LOL…