Help - Setting Boundaries, WW in EA - Thread #4

[Woke_Up]

Journaling

So, had a nice long weekend away with D, visiting my parents.

Didn't tell my parents anything.

Posted pics to W, and at one point she texted back that she loved us both.

One afternoon she phoned me just to rant. I'd actually put some tools away that apparently she had wanted left out, so she started being disrespectful. I ended up hanging up the phone on her and then ignored her from then on.

Later I posted a pic of D5 to her, and she responded with an apology for the argument.

Anyway, got home on Monday evening, and immediately it wasn't good - W started moaning about the place being made untidy after she had cleaned it all, while I was still in the process of unloading the car.

Back to work on Tuesday, D has ben sick, and has been coming to my bed in the night. Not great for sleep.

More worrying is that last night W started making a scene about it, saying it wasn't right, and that she shouldn't be in a bed with her father (this is a super king size bed and I put a pillow down the middle so she doesn't kick me). W even demanded that I show her I was wearing pyjamas. This is pretty sick and I'm worried that she will start throwing accusations about. I'm documenting everything now, and think I will need to start carrying a voice activated recorder on me again.

Other than that, she continues to argue about loss of the MBR and the bed, continues to deny her EA is an affair, and refuses to discuss selling the house.

I put her wages in her account on Wednesday, and she promptly blew them buying her own birthday presents from me and the kids, spending much more than I would have. Then saying she only needed to get some more Botox and her beauty treatment was done. Then saying she had no money left.

So no money for tax saved again this month, as I will be picking up the tab for the rest of the food shopping, plus SS16's birthday presents (he turns 17 tomorrow, so I will be buying him a cheap car and some driving lessons - W agreed to the car, I probably would have waited until he had at least passed his test).

My friend didn't come through with the name of a good lawyer, so on Monday I will just have to bite the bullet and find one, and hope that they are good. I really need to figure pout how to separate the finances and get things moving.

I am also going to have to stop sleeping with her. She was claiming she felt pregnant again on Tuesday, and by Wednesday was claiming that I had been pressuring her for sex again - she then asked why I was laughing, and I told her that it was so ludicrous because I had made sure that she had asked the last few times. She didn't like that, tried to deny it, and then made some pathetic comment about doing me a favour or something like that.

One other development - she has started a part time job, waitressing at a local pub (same one where S16 works). Doesn't pay a lot, and I will have to talk to my accountant, as I already pay her up to the tax free allowance through my company.

Last night she did say she wasn't doing it for the money (doesn't pay much) but was doing it to get her confidence back and to stop people telling her she needs to get a job. However, she also needs to rely on people to look after D5 until I get home from work. MiL is doing this week, but can't do next week.

She also started complaining about my GAL when I said I would train on a night that didn't conflict with her job, and asked me how much it cost. (£35 a month.. probably an order of magnitude less than her Amazon habit at the moment). I did tell her that her job was just as selfish as my GAL as it was something she was doing purely for herself.

It's hard to detach, harder to drop the rope when someone is spoiling for a fight so much of the time. We are both trapped by the financial situation, but she doesn't see it that way. She sees only herself as being trapped and being 'bent over a barrel' by me.

But she won't even take the steps to speak to the mortgage company or a lawyer. I think she knows that she wouldn't get the mortgage in her sole name, and despite her repeating over and over that they won't throw her out when she has children, I had to tell her that banks don't work like that, and they repossess houses all the time.

75% of the time she is not pleasant to be around, 25% of the time she is nice. Sometimes she tries to talk about her EA, saying she is being manipulated. Hoping that he will get bored and go away. Last time I told her that I didn't want to hear it.

And when we had the argument mid week, and she told me I would never get her back by treating her the way I was (MBR) I had to tell her that I wasn't trying to get her back any more. That our R was dead, and had been dead a long while, and I wasn't going to beg or crawl. That she would have to do work including counselling - which she refused flat out, saying she was smarter than any counsellor, and it was just a practice by losers to take money off people.

I'm starting to read 'No More Mr Nice Guy' to see if that helps me with NGS/Co dependency. I'm worried about the money needed for counselling now that she has been blowing it all again.

I'll report back soon, once I've spoken to a damn good L.