When she's around being her best friend - listening to her a lot and validating positively. Being her safe place - I basically want her to feel she can come to me if she needs comfort or just someone to talk to and not be judgemental or pressured by awkward questions about the A.
Complimenting often and gauging the response.
All the time I'm engaged in being the best husband I can trying to make her laugh whilst showing her the massive investment in being a great father to my most treasured.
Hi Mark,
Sorry you are here. I have no idea how you manage when she's not even making an effort to hide the A. She's carrying it on right in front of your face. How blatantly disrespectful!
You are doing a LOT of things right and you are to be commended for it. This is a hard road to travel and that fact that you can do anything positive is a testament to your character.
But there are some things you've got to stop doing immediately. You are being WAY too nice to her. I'm not at all suggesting that you be mean to her or treat her poorly but you cannot nice her out of this. You are no longer her husband, best friend or confidant. OM is now filling all those roles. You are a second class citizen and she is cake eating. Stop complimenting her and "being there" for her. She's left the M and she does not deserve that from you. Being nice to someone while they are treating you this way is telling that you have no respect for yourself and that its ok for them to walk all over you. You cannot be her friend right now. She's basically told you that your M was fine and that you were a model husband. So what is there for you to validate? Does she actually have any complaints about you?
What are the finances like? Are you still supporting her financially? Does OM's W know about the A? Whats the work situation like? Is OM a superior of hers? What would happen if the A became exposed at the work place. I'm not suggesting that you do that; just asking what would happen. Would someone get fired? Transferred? Have you met with an attorney to know your rights? Have you told her that you don't want a D but that you are NOT ok with an open M?
You've got to stop "being there" for her. She's chosen a life that excludes you and until the A dies and she experience some sort of horrible loss from her choices, you have no shot at R the MR. Anything you do to be supporting or encouraging right now will only make you look weak and prolong things.
You need to eject her from your life. She gets NO benefits that you provide as a H. The sooner you let her go, the sooner you can start working to repair the R. Things WILL get worse before they get better.
