Limerence and My Situation

[Parkema]

Hi LH19

I live in the UK and as such I have to provide for my family irrelevant of what WW is doing, so am contributing to the family home BUT she works full time as well.

Thank you for your insight into what I am doing and appreciate you challenging me on some points.

Being her best friend - this is all about limerence which as we know goes through 3 stages (infatuation, crystallisation and deteriation) and if you believe the medical evidence has to end. I see her on fantasy island living out her dreams with her soul mate but this can't go on and they either continue in a relationship that is no better than the long term relationship or it ends. Who knows...
I continue to be a friend (when she comes to me only) to provide that bridge from the island back to the family. Again know one goes to something that's worse than where they came from. I have to be better than the AP/LO, I see this as a sign of strength not weakness.

boundaries are there no contact at all from me. I can't and won't hold my children's interest in seeing their mum against them so maybe small boundaries but none the less. I don't pursue her at all she always comes to me, this gives me the opportunity to show her I am the better option and my strategies kick in.

I work on me and the best interests of my 2 boys that is it. As my previous post mentions I don't care what my WW and AP/LO are doing its not worth my time and would only set me back so I don't bother with it. I basically work to make myself better through my P.I.E.S NOT for her but for ME. It has the added benefit of her noticing also though...

"You are trying to analyze and understand everything so that you can build it into a rational model so that it will never, ever happen to you again." You better believe it and if we do get to R I will make sure our M is much much better although I am told by her the marriage was always good.

I don't focus any time on my wife any interaction is initiated by her, I am away from the A and enjoying the time I have making myself better whilst being there as a great role model for my 2 children this can't be wrong...

I'm sorry but you telling me I'm out of control is being very presumptuous I am perfectly in control of my situation. I don't know about the future except that their A will eventually wear thin and mundane and that WW will see him for what he is where will she go then? Don't blow up the bridge...

Really it is a win win situation I am in no hurry to move on I adour her and cant look at another woman that way YET, and whilst working on me am showing all a confident consistent happy outgoing person who hopefully only a fool would not want to be with if that's my WW I'll invite you to the party if someone new then so be it.

Just to clarify:

NC - No contact from me at all unless she wants to but then nothing about her A.
Never pursue - I give her all the space she can get and then some. This is funny as she becomes the pursuer see above!!
AP/LO - No calls, texts whilst visiting the boys when with me, no drop off or pick ups with the AP/LO. This is for his best interest I assure you...

I do obviously have issues here she still is in an A but with the correct boundaries and strategies and a lot of patience I hope to win her back not just for me but for our boys and her...

Thanks again

Mark