Exactly, I did temper my excitement down because of that. Long as she lives and sees this guy , no chance. That was pretty interesting but what I'm more hopeful is that she comes to realize what she has caused. I have a feeling that since someone finally told her how it is, she may be sorry and remorseful, or it drives her further away. Since we bond over fitness, I may plan to go to one of those obstacle course events but it appears with the OM, she has become high maintenance so who knows if she will like that.
M 1.5 years, her affair was before 1 year T 7 Years
But otherwise, thank you guys again. I know I babble and this is one of the first times I've ever expressed my feelings about anything. People not going through this would never understand. My family was never great communicators or affectionate but would have your back no matter what. Pretty much how my relationship went with my wife.
M 1.5 years, her affair was before 1 year T 7 Years
I with you in all of this. A lot of my thinking lately is: who can I be now that couldn't be before or during this relationship and my now WW. I see possibilities now of how I need to heal and who I need to grow into because of mistakes I've made or have never seen. The road is not going to be easy and I'm going to make mistakes. I'm no longer going to just let my WW hurt me though.
Me46 W46 M25yrs T29yrs 4 children ILYBNILWY 1/30/17 PA confronted 3/6/17 Separated same house
Right there with you. Having this along with kids must be making this process even more difficult for you plus the amount of time you have been together.
After reading the book, this walk away wife deal seems to be one of the toughest obstacles to overcome. Consistency has been my biggest problem. I make some good progress then my wife ignores me or I find out her and OM are going on trips, cruises, etc. then I revert back to the sad person. Time is a friend but could also be an enemy. Doing the wrong things over and over may just seal the deal. Also one of reasons for leaving was me being distant, so that makes it tough as well.
M 1.5 years, her affair was before 1 year T 7 Years
You need to stop keeping tabs on her movements with OM. Its going to drive you crazy. Your competing with the fantasy, which is extremely difficult. Especially with all these vacations they are taking. Everything is rainbows and sunshine until they end up having to deal with other in reality. So just keep the focus on you and GAL even harder.
No doubt about it. I don't have anyone on the inside to let me know since they are in another city so that's good. I think I may have said but I work in front a computer all day, it's just a few keystrokes and I'm there but I did have her change her passwords to everything. I found myself looking at every website to login and look for things. Haven't done this in weeks with exception of that cruise line call, so I'm getting there. I get easily distracted with all this.
M 1.5 years, her affair was before 1 year T 7 Years
After my wife's friend blast, w has went from let's not talk anymore to let's plan a weekend together to see if we can muster up that old spark.
Why are you agreeing to this? No way would I plan a weekend with my spouse if I knew they were in an affair with another person. In my opinion, it's likely that you will go and she will be comparing her feelings for you with those for OM, but you honestly cant compete, because she wont have those first feelings of 'butterflies' for you; that just isnt how life works. It feels like she's doing it to give her the ammo to say 'I tried'.
And Id for sure make her get some type of STD testing done before I messed around with her.
You hit the dang nail on the head. It took me awhile to figure this out but I did. So I told her she needs to show me something before we can go. Not necessarily move back in but something along the lines of kicking this guy out of her apartment. Something to show me that this isn't some sort of "feel good" for her conscience.
M 1.5 years, her affair was before 1 year T 7 Years
