I replied on your thread, but I want to say thank you again. This really wasn't me. The truth is he is really struggling with where he is in life. I think he sees the older woman more on the wavelength he is but the older woman with a kid does not match up with what he truly desires in life. He is a millennial. I will hand it to him, that he has some serious goals and he believes in working towards them. He wants so bad to achieve them. It truly upsets him that others in his generation are not the same way. So he looks outside of it. The girls in the large town he lives in are spoiled and still pretty immature. He struggles with where he falls on that spectrum. But he still has a lot of living to do himself, and I hope he doesn't rush anything just to have it. I think he will get there in his own due time. I mean, come on now, in 3 years, he will only be 30!!!
I went to see my IC last night which I was dying to do. I literally sat down and all my thoughts came out in a jumble and I barely made sense. We did realize 2 things. I am doing a lot better than what I am giving myself credit for. I explained my depression and I realize how I can feel it lifting in the past few days. Now I am down to just missing things. But I don't feel trapped my depression. I am talking and conversing at work again. I am not having to drag my butt too much to do the things I want. I appreciated sitting outside at dusk last nigh drinking wine, eating sushi, and reading a book alone after taking an ice run in the beautiful weather. I am good at being alone.
I actually asked my IC if I was crazy to entertain how he came on so strong, wanting to spend so much time together, even in the first week. She said absolutely not. In the beginning when you connect and you are smitten, it's a natural desire and it's ok to enjoy. She really truly believes this is a matter of bad timing and circumstance. He probably hoped he didn't need what he thought he needed because he had those strong feelings. It simply just stinks.
I realized myself last night that I am ok. I am sad, I miss him, but I'll get over it. I am weird with intimate connections (I am not talking just sexual). I have a hard time letting go of them completely. It makes me sad to be no contact, but that's what we need now. I owed him money, so I mailed him a check yesterday and I put his cigar cutter he left in there and 4 free passes to a bounce house place he kept forgetting to take for him to take his nephew to. No note, no nothing, just those 3 three things.
Life goes on. And I do have a life. One that I enjoy most of the time.
