So if Im to believe none of what she says and half of what she does, what should I believe about her moving more stuff out of the house and getting a storage unit?
that she is unhappy and wants her stuff in a storage unit, at this time.
Even if we had a crystal ball and somehow could read her mind, her opinions would only partly make sense to you (b/c you'd have different recall or a totally different spin on the event) and because whatever her feelings are, they will conflict and they will change.
Of this^^ I am certain.
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
Originally Posted By: Stunned
So if Im to believe none of what she says and half of what she does, what should I believe about her moving more stuff out of the house and getting a storage unit?
that she is unhappy and wants her stuff in a storage unit, at this time.
Even if we had a crystal ball and somehow could read her mind, her opinions would only partly make sense to you (b/c you'd have different recall or a totally different spin on the event) [b] and because whatever her feelings are, they will conflict and they will change. [ Of this^^ I am certain.
So you're saying there's still a sliver of a chance she could come around and want to try again?
Some observations, if you don't mind. Just some perspectives. May or may not be true, but just things I know first hand to keep in the back of your mind.
IVF. I went through IVF to have our daughter. I don't think either of us was fully prepared for that. My ex has congenital absence of the vas deferens. The only way we were to conceive is through IVF. He had to have surgery also to remove his sperm. We both had begun new careers when we embarked on this journey. Very stressful. Those hormonal injections. Wow. What he ll. I gained weight, I had hot flashes, I was extremely irritable and I am not an irritable person. The hormones were AWFUL. Everyday I would travel a long distance at one point everyday for daily blood work and ultrasounds. Often after working a 12.5 hours night shift as a nurse in the ICU.
Yes, I am going to say HUGE mistake on the weight comment. Especially in a very vulnerable moment in the shower. But that moment did not end your M. It is good you realized your mistake and apologized from it.
But that IVF. Messes with moods horribly. Pregnancy loss. I am so sorry for your loss. We were fortunate to have IVF to work on the first try, although they thought I was going to lose her in the early weeks. When a woman has to go through these hormones, then suffers loss, parts of her feel inadequate as a woman. I imagine a lot of this is suffering from depression after pregnancy loss.
In this period, time, space, empathy, 180's. All the advice will get you through. I hope to be able to offer some perspective on where she MIGHT be coming from. I can't mind read, I can't speak for her, but having been through the same and knowing other couples who have, it is not uncommon.
I literally just read an article about psychological projection in relationships, I think you're taking way too much on yourself. As 25 said it's definitely good to do some introspection and decide what you want to address for your own benefit, but as Cadet says, she is responsible for her own happiness, not you. She was unhappy with herself, and she is projecting that onto you. Don't buy into that.
If she's moving more stuff out and into a storage unit, how about you box her stuff up for her when she's not there and prepare it for her so that when she comes to get more, it's all ready to go in boxes right by the door?
She wants space, you're helping her get exactly what she wants.
Do you think that would throw her for a loop?
What do you think she would conclude about that? Do you think she would walking away thinking "I guess I'm making the right decision because he wants me gone? Why does he want me gone?" or "Uh oh, maybe I'm making a mistake here..."
Either way, it's channeling her thoughts back to her and away from focusing on being mad at you.
Just something to think about.
Acc
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
So if Im to believe none of what she says and half of what she does, what should I believe about her moving more stuff out of the house and getting a storage unit?
that she is unhappy and wants her stuff in a storage unit, at this time.
Even if we had a crystal ball and somehow could read her mind, her opinions would only partly make sense to you (b/c you'd have different recall or a totally different spin on the event) and because whatever her feelings are, they will conflict and they will change.
Of this^^ I am certain.
I just feel like she'll never have a chance to sit back and miss me or reflect on what she's doing cause she's moving back to her folks and they even have a little house that she's living in on here property. And he fact that her step mom is basically filling the void of me because they're like best friends.
So I just found a Vday card from THIS year, and I'll read the message she put inside it. "Happy Vday babes! I love you more everyday. I hope this year brings us ever more joy. Fingers crossed!! Thanks for being a great husband. This is why it's not adding up
It's obvious she was telling her close friends and stepmom for a while that she's been feeling unhappy but she truthfully never told me she was unhappy other than like I said before the one time she brought up wanting more intimacy.
Do you think this is YOUR fault?
YES - she is unhappy but what makes you think YOU are the cause of her unhappiness?
She has been a depression pills before.... actually just came off them in January before we started Ivf again. So yeah she has a history of being unhappy
Some observations, if you don't mind. Just some perspectives. May or may not be true, but just things I know first hand to keep in the back of your mind.
IVF. I went through IVF to have our daughter. I don't think either of us was fully prepared for that. My ex has congenital absence of the vas deferens. The only way we were to conceive is through IVF. He had to have surgery also to remove his sperm. We both had begun new careers when we embarked on this journey. Very stressful. Those hormonal injections. Wow. What he ll. I gained weight, I had hot flashes, I was extremely irritable and I am not an irritable person. The hormones were AWFUL. Everyday I would travel a long distance at one point everyday for daily blood work and ultrasounds. Often after working a 12.5 hours night shift as a nurse in the ICU.
Yes, I am going to say HUGE mistake on the weight comment. Especially in a very vulnerable moment in the shower. But that moment did not end your M. It is good you realized your mistake and apologized from it.
But that IVF. Messes with moods horribly. Pregnancy loss. I am so sorry for your loss. We were fortunate to have IVF to work on the first try, although they thought I was going to lose her in the early weeks. When a woman has to go through these hormones, then suffers loss, parts of her feel inadequate as a woman. I imagine a lot of this is suffering from depression after pregnancy loss.
In this period, time, space, empathy, 180's. All the advice will get you through. I hope to be able to offer some perspective on where she MIGHT be coming from. I can't mind read, I can't speak for her, but having been through the same and knowing other couples who have, it is not uncommon.
I hope this helps a little
So are you basically saying that her fluctuating hormones could be a partial if not all the cause of this right now? A lot of people have said that to me but she clearly said to me it has nothing to do with hormones. But how would you know if it's your hormones at the time?
I fell off the dbing wagon today, the w emailed me to basically talk about bills but she also thanked me for the flowers I sent her over a week ago. We made a few exchanges and she said I hope you're doing ok, originally I kept my cool and say I'm doing fine and then I replied again with this Honestly I lied, I've been a wreck. Everyday I wake up (if I sleep at all) feeling like my heart has been torn from my chest. Everyday is worse than the day before. I wake up at times thinking you're laying beside me still. Seeing our belongings and memories getting boxed up day after day leaves an empty feeling in the pit of my soul. I am and I've always been crazy in love with you and I'll wait forever for you and I'm willing to do whatever it takes for you to trust me with your heart again. Sorry I tried but I can't hold back how I truly feel. You are my love and I want to show you how much you mean to me and how much I truly truly cherish you for the remainder of my days.
I was doing good too, I've been NC since sunday but in guess I'm back to square one
